I can just see you, sitting by a kid's bed at night reading them fables like this!

Teach them to have you babysit!

"You beat an attorney until he forgot to sue? Daaaaamn."


When I was a kid, we had a book titled East O' the Sun and West O' the Moon filled with stories like this.

I seem to recall one which had a similar set of cauldrons that gilded whatever was stuck into them, and the prince ended up taking a bath in them so he'd be armored against the giant's attacks. Or maybe it gave him super-strength. Something along those lines. Of course he's stuck as a living statue for the rest of his life.

You can't help wondering what they were smoking when they came up with the story. or was there a competition to add bizarre details each time the tale was told?

Loved the commentary.

Yes. This story stands as a refutation of the aphorism "Truth is stranger than fiction because fiction has to make sense."

This is decidedly.... UM.

But the Master-maid didn't quite kill the old witch -- she just scared her enough that the witch beaned herself fatally heading out the door. It's arguable that this was an unintentional death that might've been intended as "go run tell the king there's a scary witch-woman making your hut gold" tactics.

I suppose in a land where most old women turn out to be freaky witches, they're just, well, witches from birth and territorial disputes over princes are par for the course. That might explain why the bride didn't much care about her sister -- if witches have a critical mass, then hey, someone's gotta go, and as long as it ain't her...

(Deleted comment)
You have just made my day.

I find it somewhat suspicious that there were three rich pillars of the community who weren't yet married; perhaps the Master-maid suspected the sheriff et al to be trying to dump their wives for her?

Very, very powerful recreational chemicals were involved in the creation of this story, is what I'm thinking.

A little ergot got into the grain storage, maybe?

Waiting with bated breath for the next one....

I'm also perplexed by the idea that one might try to fetch a calf by its tail -- that's the wrong end to try leading it from.

No actually that is done. They are too strong to drag. :)

Can you do The Snow Queen? That's one of my favorites.

Many have tried and failed to do the Snow Queen. (warning: 100% NSFW!)

Ya think maybe the tale-teller might've had something against sheriffs, attorneys, and bailiffs?

In the grand scheme of "no such thing as a rhetorical question" - almost certainly! And the tale-teller would have expected the audience to share her prejudice, which is part of why the master-maid can get away with doing horrible things to them and still be the heroine.

After this, I would LOVE to see your review of "The Goose-Girl!" :D :D :D

And my biggest thought was "Wait! Who brings in a calf by pulling on its tail? This is not proper or practical animal husbandry!

Well, that was no proper or practical animal, either. It was a magic calf.
Besides, if he'd had it by the right end, the calf would have had a harder time dragging him around, poor thing.

Clearly they are a family of extremely terrible witches and suchlike, so that having such a master-maid as a bride was the best possible thing. And also explaining why everyone in the town was used to incredibly crazy things happening, and why the bride's sister was a troll-witch.

This story is a wonderful thing.

*Laughs until she falls off her chair and frightens the students*

Damn. That was one HELL of a pile of WTF.

I kinda feel like there are significant portions of this story just missing. Or that this is a few different stories patched together. Because... what? Just... what?

I kinda want to adapt this as a comic, complete with the snarky commentary, except NOBODY WOULD BELIEVE I WASN'T PULLING IT ALL OUT OF MY ASS.

Lots of fairy tails borrow elements from each other. For example, the master of the house who forbids the protagonist from looking in certain rooms is a very common trope. Sometimes they're stitched together with more care, sometimes with less.

(no subject) (Anonymous) Expand
Too... much... laughing...

Man, my poor roommate-who-is-attempting-to-sleep.

Funny, I also assumed the river-sucker must be a giant plecostomus.

hmm so that's the one they used in the Doctor Who novel 'Grimm Reality' - not bad :)

I was fine until the clucking brassiere.



Having actually waved a weasel at someone in a threatening manner, I approve of this review.

One other thing that occurred to me: If I were the Prince, each day with the Giant, I would have asked how to accomplish the chores, gone and done them, and then spent the rest of the day chatting up the Master-Maid.

Well, really, I never would have touched any part of this, but that seemed like yet another opportunity for things to go horribly wrong.

Also, my immediate interpretation of the bit "...the Master- maid took out the cock..." was rather different :P

>>Also, my immediate interpretation of the bit "...the Master- maid took out the cock..." was rather different :P>>

You too?

Oh dear LORD I can't stop laughing!

You beat an attorney until he forgot to sue? Daaaaamn.

Best. Line. Ever.

Agreed. THAT kind of beating is worthy of an epic poem in and of itself.


Log in