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Dream Theater

(slightly expanded from the Twitter record shortly after waking.)

DREAM: You're a girl making her way to the frontier to find her fortune.

ME: Premise accepted!

DREAM: You have a feckless brother with you.

ME: He won't last long.

DREAM: You meet a lovely woman, who vaguely resembles the County Extension officer, who will take you as an apprentice. Soon you will go downstream from the town and make money doing frontier-y things.

ME: With you so far.

DREAM: She is concerned that you bring enough socks.

ME: Seems legit.

DREAM: Axe murder! Everyone in town is now dead except you and the woman and the axe murderer.

ME: These things happen.

DREAM: You hide under anachronistic sheets of injection molded plastic as the axe murderer stalks the town.

ME: Yay injection molded plastic!

DREAM: Also, your brother is lost on the tundra.

ME: See, I knew that'd work out.

DREAM: Sexy Idris Elba shows up.


DREAM: The woman tells you she is a member of the cult of midwives. She has a necklace with a weird symbol on it. Kinda looks like an anarchy symbol only with labia.

ME: Don't care, go back to Idris--oh damn, a cult of midwives? That's pretty good. I should take notes.

DREAM: Sexy Idris Elba leaves.

ME: Nooooo!

ME: My bitterness overwhelms me.

DREAM: Axe murderer!

ME: Screw it, I kill that guy. He might hurt Idris.

DREAM: ...uh.

DREAM: Not where I expected this to go. Give me a minute.

ME: I'll wait.

DREAM: Your brother returns! Possibly he is also an axe murderer! At the very least, he is lazy and did not actually go on the tundra after all. He has been in the barn.

ME: Can I kill him too?

DREAM: What?

ME: He cut a hole in the barn because the door was on the other side and he was too lazy to walk! I'm getting the axe!

DREAM: ...this would be frowned upon.

ME: Chance I'm willing to take.


DREAM: He is telling you about his visions.

ME: While not wearing a shirt, right?

DREAM: Lotta visions. Like a frontier blog.

ME: As long as he's shirtless, it's all good.

DREAM: The townspeople are all back. Turns out they weren't murdered after all.

ME: This is dreadful.

DREAM: They have arrested Idris for axe murder!

ME: It seems this situation could be solved with a WHOLE LOT MORE AXE MURDER. Just sayin'

DREAM: ...You are out on the tundra. Alone.

ME: But do I have an axe?


ME: Well, this sucks.

DREAM: The clouds are doing something weird and uncanny and have cat and crow heads.

ME: No time, gotta save Idris.

DREAM: It's really neat, though? Like, they're all twisty and swirly and stuff?


REAM: We blew the entire budget on these clouds!

ME: You're going to execute shirtless Idris Elba. I AM BUSY.

DREAM: This one's a dragon with like a skeleton in its mouth and that one over there is a herd of buffalo with crow heads.

ME: I ride back to town! I will save Idris!

DREAM: You have to fill out paperwork saying you're his alibi.

ME: ...Anticlimactic.

DREAM: You can't use a fountain pen worth a damn in a dream, either.

ME: You just can't give me anything here, can you?

DREAM: But wait! If you sign this form, your reputation will be compromised because you, an unmarried young woman, were alone with a man! Unchaperoned!

DREAM: The townsfolk will judge you!

ME: Nathaniel Hawthorne? What are you doing here?

DREAM: Ok, you've saved Idris but now you're a fallen woman.

ME: ...


DREAM: Idris decides the honorable thing to do is compromise you further.

ME: I forgive you for everything.

DREAM: Ha ha, sucker! Evil clouds are back!

ME: Nooooooo!

DREAM: The clouds are emanating from a monstrous device buried in the tundra!

ME: Okay, but how compromised are we talking?

DREAM: Huge machine! Gouts of clouds erupt out! No one is getting compromised!

ME: Then I don't care if they kill us all now.

DREAM: You must pry open the grate on the machine while cloud monsters attack!

ME: And sexy grateful Idris?

DREAM: Went to get a shirt.


DREAM: There's a piece of meat stuck in the grate. Looks like bologna or something.

ME: ...ok.

DREAM: That was the problem.

ME: wut

DREAM: Evil piece of possessed meat drove the machine mad. It happens.

ME: What?!


DREAM: He's brought you a quagga hide. He's very grateful.

ME: Oh yeah oh baby--wait, quagga hide? Where'd he get a quagga?

DREAM: ...

ME: This is important! Does he know where there are quaggas?


ME: Then put on some damn pants and find me a quagga!

DREAM: You know what? I'm outta here. I can't work under these conditions.

ME: *wakes up*

ME: ...well, crap.

There is probably a moral here, but I think this just speaks to my priorities as a human being.

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Where'd he get a quagga?

I would like to know that too...

Where'd he get a quagga?

I would like to know that too...

Quick, put on your pants! We are going zebra hunting!

And I'm completely not surprised that bologna was the root of evil. It's always giving the liverwurst the sideeye.

Quagga > SEXY IDRIS ELBA > Brother.

I find no fault with that reasoning. Carry on.

"Then put on some damn pants and find me a quagga!"

Best Line EVAH!

I have the same dream. But with Chris Evans and guinea pigs, so a lot less exotic.

(referring tot he guinea pigs. They are awesome but not exotic)

I had to google Idris Elba. Now I have to go lie down for a while.

Yay, I wasn't the only one! Too bad Twitter seemed to eat the My Little Pony/Shannara dream I had. And the Avengers-Jareth-me-cast-members-as-cover dream. Jareth was talking dirty. *sigh*

DREAM: Axe murder! Everyone in town is now dead except you and the woman and the axe murderer.

ME: These things happen.

This is a clear sign you've been gaming a long time.

Also, Sexy Shirtless Idris? I may have to fight you to the death for this, and I'll let you keep the Quagga hide as a bonus.

...damn. I was gonna say, you keep the quagga, I'll keep Idris, but then I went and looked up a quagga and now I'm torn...

I adore you. And apparently we dream much the same. Idris Elba shows up in my dream he better be shirtless.

I will never understand the dream's freaking out when you do things like "oh, hey, this can be solved with the precise and direct application of fire"...

Your subconscious is a bizarre and wonderful place.

Falling over laughing here... I'm betting somewhere Morpheus is crossing your name off a list and muttering about someone being too damn weird even for The Endless..

... while his sister mutters something about whippersnappers and heading to a bar to get it drunk.


...did you have some of that finnish-candy-liqueur again? Because this vaguely reminds me of that kingfisher-temple dream you posted about back then.

But I salute your priorities! They are excellent as always.

I love that your subconscious sounds suspiciously like an exasperated DM.

As usual, you win the Internet.

Oh and while I would not object to a shirtless Idris Elba at all, its his .....voice.....

Like dark chocolate, fine brandy and an expensive cigar

Glad it's late enough at work that no-one's here because I'm giggling madly...

Ursula, whatever you ate or drank before bedtime, I want some too!

Oh my gawds, Ursula! You win the webs and all the worlds!
I am crying with laughter.
Next time you come down here I owe you a plate of sushi, just for this post!

Your brain is a very, very weird place.

Quick, we must fund this dream into a MOVIE!

Why? Imagine the happyness in the world with shirtless and possibly pantless Idris Elba walking around with quaggas. (Not that Mr Elba does much for me, nor am I sure what a quagga is...but that is minor)

Humanity needs this movie!

(with more axe murder though, I'm definitely there for the axes)

Why not a quagga? Cult of midwives, totally worth making a note of. This is taking lucid dreaming to a whole new level!

This was the best thing I have read all week!
(And right now I am reading "Fragile Things" heady competition!)

How can your brain DO all that?

1. Create it
2. Remember it

Amazed. Want to see the movie.

I maintain that there are few aspects of your life, up to and including your grocery list, that you couldn't narrate in a way your readers, certainly folks here, would fail to appreciate.

Keep at it, you're adding to the Net Awesome Quotient of the universe, and that's a rare and beautiful thing.

Thank you for sharing this. :)

I'd have to say you dream like you play DnD -- the Oregon Trail Expansion Pack edition.


I'm not quite sure what a quaga is.

Suddenly, I feel marginally better about the world.

First comment got marked as spam I included a link. Oopsie. Google "quagga project." They're being recreated.

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