Okay, enough is enough.
For a week now, I have been treated, two or three times a day, to a spam with the subject line “She squirted two feet!” for a service with the charming name of “Exploding Holes.”
My first, deeply tasteless thought, that this involved a grenade and a foxhole and an entirely different variety of squirting, was inaccurate. It’s porn. No surprise there. I noted this primarily at first because it would appear (without actually scrolling down, which I dare not do) to be the female equivalent of my all-time favorite spam, “Ejaculate up to six feet!” But now it’s remarkable for sheer volume. Once, twice, okay. I’m jaded to this sort of thing. It doesn’t surprise me that someone somewhere gets off on this enough to be a viable form of marketing. I have seen Wuzzles porn, and the internet holds few terrors after that. But believe me, if I was waiting my entire life for a service called “exploding holes,” I’d've already jumped on it. Repeated exposures will not change my mind. The thirty-seventh spam does not appeal to me any more that the first one did.
And, of course, the obligatory…what the HELL, man.