HA! I knew it was aliens.

It’s always aliens.

(Playing video game. In the interests of spoilers, I won’t mention which one.)

And another thing. Why is it always Adam and Eve that gets riffed on? Just once, I want to see the big reveal be the origins of another creation myth. You go through the whole thing, and you find…a scale from the GIANT WORLD TURTLE! Aaaaaaah! The big secret is that there’s a giant alien reptile living under the entire North American continent! GET THE ROCKET LAUNCHER!

Or we can go Egyptian. The item that the secret societies have been hotly seeking is, in fact–the porn magazine that Atum, the Creator, was whacking off to, thereby creating the heavens and the earth! GET THE ROCKET LAUNCHER!

Seriously. Always Adam and Eve, and you never get to shoot ‘em.

Originally published at Tea with the Squash God. You can comment here or there.