It’s been a rough couple of weeks, and adding to the stew is a rash of anxiety dreams. Most of them are con-anxiety, which is kinda weird because I’m done with cons for the year–I suppose it’s a case of delayed onset. Regardless, a few rough nights have ensued.
Last night I was in a cabin surrounded by zombies. The zombies apparently were part vampire or something, because they could be driven away with religious iconography. I was trying to blockade the large glass doors (who the hell puts swinging glass doors on a cabin!? In zombie country!?) Then I discovered that while they recoiled from crosses and the like, they really succumbed to the spoken word.
I ran through what shreds of Bible verses I knew, the even fewer shreds of the Koran, the Lord’s Prayer, the Disciple’s Creed, the Alcoholics Anonymous credo, did a couple of Hail Marys, and then seized on hymns as the ultimate weapon vs zombies.
Unfortunately, while a Catholic upbringing is the guilt that keeps on giving, my retention of hymns was very limited. I can do the Battle Hymn of the Republic pretty well for a verse or two, but then I get stuck and hum a bit before coming back in on the chorus. I got through a couple “Glory, Glory, Hallelelujah!”s turned around, and discovered that while I’d been guarding the doors, a couple of zombies had gotten through the windows and were menacing my comrades (not one of whom had the decency to be a priest or a rabbi or anything useful.)
“Right!” I yelled. “You all know this one! Everybody sing!”
I have woken myself up yelling before. I have woken myself up moaning before. But I can honestly say that this is the first time that I have ever manage to wake myself out of a sound sleep by belting out the opening bars of Amazing Grace.
Kevin, who was sleeping a few inches away, was also jolted awake and tried to talk me down from my nightmare, but I was already wide awake at that point.
(The sad bit is that I would almost certainly have done it to the tune of the Mickey Mouse club, since Garrison Keillor’s version is the one I remember best…)