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Mulchpocalypse II: Son of Mulch

Mulch, I think, is like heroin.


The more you get, the more you need. Seven cubic yards, which seemed a truly apocalyptic amount this last spring, caused me to build multiple new beds, expand others, etc, etc.

I just had nine cubic yards delivered, because I need more.

In addition to building the new beds, which I gotta do, and throwing a large quantity down over areas that I intend to get to in a year or two, and wish to start improving soil fertility/quashing weeds on now, I also need to re-mulch the old beds, because mulch breaks down over time, which is great for soil enrichment purposes, but not so good for weed-suppressing purposes. I had been reduced to doling out mulch one shovelful at a time, because I was running low. Finally I said “To hell with it!” and ordered more. (Also got some topsoil/chicken manure mix to use for the new vegetable bed that I’m putting in. It is glorious. It has tilth. I kinda want to roll around in it, but that would compress it and make it less glorious.)

So getting too much mulch caused me to build more beds, which now need more mulch, which required me to get more mulch, which will cause me to build more beds which will then require mulching and the end result of all of this is that I will have forearms like a dockworker and blisters the size of tangerines.

But this should be enough mulch.

Until next year.

Originally published at Squash's Garden. You can comment here or there.


Clearly your mulch addiction will progress until you need a small backhoe to spread it over your burgeoning garden beds. AND THAT WILL BE FUN! :D

(I've always wanted one of those little mini backhoes, but since I don't have anything to do with one I would be happy to live vicariously through you. :P)

One of my neighbors has a little Bobcat with a loader and a tiller, and he used to do the rounds of the neighborhood tilling backyard gardens. They're so cute! (Bobcats, not tillers.)

For some reason I could see that mulch pile morphing into one of those short, shaggy Scottish Cattle.

I was thinking a gigantic angora bunny myself.

(Deleted comment)
I could do with about half that amount, spread over the two gardens (Oldhome - fine, 'tired', dusty soil, and Newhome - heavy clay/rubble/rubbish 'soil') and then dug in. Just think of the wonderful legacy of unexpectedly rich, beautiful garden you will have in 20 years or so!

Oh dear God..... you are insane. :D

(Deleted comment)
Yeah, but he's a good guy, so, you know, ixnay on the illing-kay and urying-bay.

Don't I remember reading in elementary school that Squanto told the Pilgrims to bury a fish at the base of each plant? Maybe Ursula and Kevin need to make a midnight raid on the dumpsters of a fish processing plant.

Also, tilth is a really neat word I'd never heard before, and I'm absurdly pleased with it.

Edited at 2011-09-20 09:44 pm (UTC)

Oh wow, if I had two nickels to rub together I would love to get that amount of mulch as well.

Did you get a dog vomit slime mold out of your earlier delivery? :D :D

Welcome to the mulch club.

We did this year. As did all the business around here. Makes it obvious they all get their mulch from the same place.

There are still 3.5 months left of this year. You will buy more mulch - you know you will.

The next step is livestock, you know.

Chickens. The next KUEC podcast will make mention of live chickens and fresh eggs. The future is uncertain, but somehow, this must be.

Re: The next step is livestock, you know.


Someone has to do it

This is all mulch ado about nothing.

Re: Someone has to do it

And there is much doo about mulching!

(Deleted comment)
Mulch is a gateway soil amendment. Soon it will be compost, then designer compost, and one day all your plants are mainlining hydroponic solution.

So I recommend you just say no. But cut back slowly, or your plants will get the DTs and start hallucinating bugs are crawling on them.

Or will it be an hallucination???

I hope you didn't buy too mulch. meh heh...


Watch out for snakes! You don't want to make any more of 'em sad!

Have you considered joining a 12-step program?


♪♪♪Mulch! I'm gonna spread it forever!♪♪♪