?

Log in

No account? Create an account
Previous Entry Share Next Entry
breeden
ursulav

Ground Control to Maj–HOLY CRAP!

So for the last week or so, we’ve been catching sight of this young male turkey in the wooded area on the other side of the fence. He’s got the brilliant head, so we’re pretty sure he’s male, and he seemed to be lurking in the woods, livin’ the bachelor life, all that good turkey stuff.

A bit small, but a fine figure of a turkey, we thought. Surely he will have no trouble attracting some sweet young thing and all her friends to be his harem!

Today I got a look at the competition.

Dude.

Tom is going to be single for a very long time.

The turkey strolling about twenty feet from the fence-line was like the Platonic ideal of a male turkey. He had an enormous belled chest and a stiffly fanned tail and his snood (the dangly bit off the beak) went on for miles. He was gigantic. He looked like every “before” Thanksgiving turkey picture  you ever see, and he hasn’t even gotten to the fattening up stage of the year yet. This guy was solid testosterone and feathers. If I were a female turkey, I would have thrown my panties at him. Even out here on a completely different trunk of the evolutionary thicket, I felt a bit of a twinge. I’ve been on dates with guys who had less going on than that turkey.

Obviously this is “Major Tom.” (I guess that makes me Ground Control.)

I wasn’t able to get Kevin to a window fast enough to see him, but hopefully he’ll be back. Preferably not when the beagle is out. That bird would eat Gir for lunch and spit out the bones afterwards.

I feel a bit of a pang for Tom the Lesser, but…well…dayum.

Originally published at Squash's Garden. You can comment here or there.

Tags:

I don't know about where you are, but here, turkey season just started this past weekend. Tell Major Tom to watch out.

And that reaction is why guys like me go to the gym.

*shakes fist at evolutionary thicket*

And now I have a mental image of Major Tom wandering around your woods with a pair of black silk bikini panties dangling off his head. I"ll be giggling all day.

GET TO THE CHOPPA! GOBBLEGOBBLEGOBBLEGOBBLE!

(Deleted comment)
(Deleted comment)
Thank you. There is now fried rice on my keyboard and my coworker is looking at me like I've finally lost my mind. Gods, I needed a good laugh today! :D

My neighbor tried keeping turkeys. One of the less peaceful mornings of my life was getting up and finding the hen on the porch, eating the porch cat's food, while the tom stayed on his side of the fence and glared at me when I tried to herd her back home.

Maybe the other turkey needs a couple more years before he's a full tom going for the ladies. Also when they display, the males look a lot bigger.

With any luck, Lesser Tom is gay.

In which case he too would be throwing his underwear at Bigger Tom?

Pix or it didn't happen? Actually, how about just a drawing of Admiral Tom?

oh poor little tom. geek turkeys shall inherit the earth!

I watched a Spruce Grouse displaying once. I would have married that bird like a _shot_!

Somehow, there's just a certain testosterone level that is very convincing.

**nods** I've seen a tomcat or two who could swagger like a pornstar; there really IS a certain point where it crosses the species boundary. I'm not suggesting bestiality here, just a really astonishing level of HolyShitLookitThat-ness.

Have you read Barbara Kingsolver describing the domestic turkey hens with the hots for her husband in Animal, Vegetable, Miracle ?

Actually, more often than not it's the younger, sub-dominant males that 'get lucky'...

You see, the dominant male does all the displaying and defending his territory etc, attracting a harem..and then when he's 'buy' with one of them, the sub-dominant male slips in, finds a female who's hot enough to be willing, and gets busy behind Major Tom's back, so to speak. And of course, because he's not doing any of the other work involved, he's got more time to please the ladies than major Tom.

Hence, anywhere up to 50-75% of the eggs are actually from the smaller male.

Or at least, that's what I've read.

I'm pretty sure most women would pick George Clooney over Sylvester Stallone, so this makes sense. ^_^

Well, if you've never been called furry in the derogatory sense before.... actually I'd be surprised. Just as long as you're not doing anything to make either turkey or your neighbors uncofortable, I guess it's okay.

Actually, it's probably more along the lines of women reading women's magazines.... they are checking out the women, and very few lesbians would read such a thing in public, so women who read women's magazines in public somehow aren't closet lesbians.

Fine, there are no sexual connotations to checking out plumage unless you are a bird in heat.

Actually, it's probably more along the lines of women reading women's magazines.... they are checking out the women, and very few lesbians would read such a thing in public, so women who read women's magazines in public somehow aren't closet lesbians.

Buh? This makes my head hurt, and I'm not sure if you're being sarcastic or what. (And I'm asexual, so I can't relate.)