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It Warms A Paladin's Heart...

Today, as we faced the Lawful Evil lich trying to get us to recover his stolen phylactery, the lich (Percival) asked the fatal question "What do they TEACH you in paladin school?!"

Rooster didn't even get to open his mouth. The entire party jumped in.

"Not to trust orphans!"
"To burn things and sow them with salt!"
"Hand out pamphlets!"
"...something about demon nipples!"

Rooster wiped a tear from his eye. "Awwwwww....you guys paid attention!" (Really, I felt the love!) 

Some minutes later, Rooster conceived his Extremely Clever Plan. ("I have a 16 in Diplomacy! I can write laws!") While the team heads off to fight vampires and recover the phylactery, his Temple is pushing through legislation to make it illegal to return a phylactery to an evil creature within twenty miles of the city. (Yes, I actually wrote up the law.) The lich is Lawful Evil, ergo...

Our poor GM made many hand gestures. I didn't understand most of them. Much of the rest of the session was spent talking to guild lawyers and attempting to summon grassroots support in the bar. The rogue wanted to lobby the lich's HOA. All notions of combat soon fell by the wayside. 

Also, our ranger attempted to interrogate a rat. It didn't go well. Maybe next week...

"I have a 16 in Diplomacy! I can write laws!"

Shouldn't that be "I have a 4 in Diplomacy and 2s in Intelligence and Wisdom!"?

"...something about demon nipples!"

Hahaha! The post where you recounted all of that is still one of my favorite things to read! XD This post will be another one I go reread because it makes me laugh :D

I seem to have misplaced my bookmark for that one - got it?

Your party, what would you say its cumulative sanity rating might be?

(I can guess at what Kevin's sanity rating is :)

Rush throws off the results. You have to treat him as an outlier.

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You know, if I'd found a campaign with people this insane^Winventive, I might still be playing D&D, instead of having given it up for playing "serious" games in the Nordic art-larp scene.

Is the HOA more or less evil than the lich?

Generally more - I'm betting they're tutoring him in his off hours.

Signs you have a memorable character!

I geek there for I am! Please put more of your great moments in D&D up! These things are fantastic!

Why do vampires never testify at trials?

They can't stand cross examination.

Wait, *that*'s the big question that Percival was supposed to ask?

Oh, sorry, wrong narrative.

You guys have the best gaming group ever.

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Reminds me of when we were play-testing Lejendary Adventures. My dice luck in general would have to improve to reach "terrible," so my character - Thelma - was the party's research assistant, chief of logistics, loot evaluator, and all-around...accountant.

I might not always have come up with the right answer, but I wasn't getting gacked constantly, either!

I work at a Law School.
I'd love to see some of this stuff come up before the professors!

Something like this came up in my Pathfinder game recently. The Chellaxean wizard and the Skjald Cleric of the God of Drunkenness started talking about running an inn. This dialog stream occurred:

Sam (playing the wizard, Valeria): We could run an inn!
John (playing the celric, Stegen): Do we have enough gold?
Sam: You may not know this, but Val is a pretty good cook.
John: We could spend the rest of the campaign running an inn. Vanquishing bedbugs!
GM: You can’t afford it.
Sam: What if we took out a small business loan?
Eben: There is no Small Business Administration in this gameworld.
Sam: I roll my Paperwork.
Eben: We are not! Playing! Papers & Paychecks!

I let the players get a big loot haul in a fantasy game once. The intent was to up their social status so they'd get sucked into the city-state politics. They decided to pool it to buy an inn.

But... what if the lich demands that you go thirty miles from the city and restore its phylactery then?

I think you may need some laws about returning phylacteries only if there is a written contract for how the lich will behave afterwards. You could probably go with the Evil Overlord rules and cross out all the ones about killing the hero and the hero's girlfriend, and keep the ones about treating your minions with reasonable care.

Are we overlooking the possibility the lich may be INFLUENCING the lawmakers here? -_-

I could foresee a 'Return lost property to its owners or be faced with charges for accessory to theft' law getting passed.

You guys have the best gaming sessions. Although I'm sure your DM would be happier if things went more as he expected. Do keep posting these. I dearly miss my old D&D group, but two got married and their spouses wouldn't let them play anymore, one joined the Marines, and the other started working two jobs. We're all a little too busy/distracted to play anymore.