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It Warms A Paladin's Heart...

Today, as we faced the Lawful Evil lich trying to get us to recover his stolen phylactery, the lich (Percival) asked the fatal question "What do they TEACH you in paladin school?!"

Rooster didn't even get to open his mouth. The entire party jumped in.

"Not to trust orphans!"
"To burn things and sow them with salt!"
"Hand out pamphlets!"
"...something about demon nipples!"

Rooster wiped a tear from his eye. "Awwwwww....you guys paid attention!" (Really, I felt the love!) 

Some minutes later, Rooster conceived his Extremely Clever Plan. ("I have a 16 in Diplomacy! I can write laws!") While the team heads off to fight vampires and recover the phylactery, his Temple is pushing through legislation to make it illegal to return a phylactery to an evil creature within twenty miles of the city. (Yes, I actually wrote up the law.) The lich is Lawful Evil, ergo...

Our poor GM made many hand gestures. I didn't understand most of them. Much of the rest of the session was spent talking to guild lawyers and attempting to summon grassroots support in the bar. The rogue wanted to lobby the lich's HOA. All notions of combat soon fell by the wayside. 

Also, our ranger attempted to interrogate a rat. It didn't go well. Maybe next week...

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Something like this came up in my Pathfinder game recently. The Chellaxean wizard and the Skjald Cleric of the God of Drunkenness started talking about running an inn. This dialog stream occurred:

Sam (playing the wizard, Valeria): We could run an inn!
John (playing the celric, Stegen): Do we have enough gold?
Sam: You may not know this, but Val is a pretty good cook.
John: We could spend the rest of the campaign running an inn. Vanquishing bedbugs!
GM: You can’t afford it.
Sam: What if we took out a small business loan?
Eben: There is no Small Business Administration in this gameworld.
Sam: I roll my Paperwork.
Eben: We are not! Playing! Papers & Paychecks!

I let the players get a big loot haul in a fantasy game once. The intent was to up their social status so they'd get sucked into the city-state politics. They decided to pool it to buy an inn.

That's one way to get them sucked into local politics, at least! Local black market/extortionists, local zoning laws...

I made them lobby the city council for favorable tax treatment. Fun times. :)

Hehe. My cleric of the Gods of Drunks, Fools, and Children once ended up setting up an orphanage - /and/ a Tavern. All proceeds from the Tavern, went straight into the orphanage. Drinking for charity! It was pretty popular, actually. ;)


One of my favorite campaigns I've ever played in, the party bought and operated a bakery as a front for their criminal activities. Party consisted of 2 con-artists, a pirate, a burglar, and a chaotic good warrior whose true love was baking. The con-artists fronted the money for the establishment to keep the warrior happy, as she didn't realize we were all rogues and thieves. We were all very fond of her, so we helped out and kept all nefarious activities out of her earshot.

Wow! That's either a stunning testament to the player's ability to keep player knowledge separate from character knowledge or some WICKED subterfuge on the part of the rest of you guys! Either way, I'm impressed.

A large part of it was separation of knowledge. And it was such fun to keep coming up with lies. I think the best is still used as in in-joke amongst us.
Lissy (the warrior) was surprised Darren (the professional cat-burglar, card-carrying rogue's guild member) knew so much about how windows and doors and locks worked. "Oh. He's a carpenter, didn't we mention that?" says my character. From then on, carpenter was code for house-breaker. Delightful fun.

She did eventually catch wise.
Lissy: "You are all terrible people. Why do I stay with you?"
Alexi(me. a con-artist and minor illuionist): "Because you love us, Lissy Darling."
Lissy: *sigh* It's true.

Sim Inn!
Or Sim-y Inn, since presumably most of the party are humanoid primates...

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