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It Warms A Paladin's Heart...

Today, as we faced the Lawful Evil lich trying to get us to recover his stolen phylactery, the lich (Percival) asked the fatal question "What do they TEACH you in paladin school?!"

Rooster didn't even get to open his mouth. The entire party jumped in.

"Not to trust orphans!"
"To burn things and sow them with salt!"
"Hand out pamphlets!"
"...something about demon nipples!"

Rooster wiped a tear from his eye. "Awwwwww....you guys paid attention!" (Really, I felt the love!) 

Some minutes later, Rooster conceived his Extremely Clever Plan. ("I have a 16 in Diplomacy! I can write laws!") While the team heads off to fight vampires and recover the phylactery, his Temple is pushing through legislation to make it illegal to return a phylactery to an evil creature within twenty miles of the city. (Yes, I actually wrote up the law.) The lich is Lawful Evil, ergo...

Our poor GM made many hand gestures. I didn't understand most of them. Much of the rest of the session was spent talking to guild lawyers and attempting to summon grassroots support in the bar. The rogue wanted to lobby the lich's HOA. All notions of combat soon fell by the wayside. 

Also, our ranger attempted to interrogate a rat. It didn't go well. Maybe next week...

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Are we overlooking the possibility the lich may be INFLUENCING the lawmakers here? -_-

I could foresee a 'Return lost property to its owners or be faced with charges for accessory to theft' law getting passed.

Oh he is. He came up as a significant landowner.

Did I mention we're in the capital?

I'd be worried at that point. >_> I mean, even if the party goes through with getting the phylactery, they'd be lucky if the lich simply finessed the situation so they didn't get a reward...

And with lawyers around, it's probably hard to get any laws against being Evil. Laws against practicing Evil upon others without notarized consent?

(Noting that even the best lawyers are a little bit Evil. In a Good way. Lawyer-snark is just about the best snark ever.)

"Say! I was a little rushed, but I need to check before I give you your reward, are you all duly licensed Adventurers in good standing with the city? No? Oh dear. That could complicate things a bit. For you. If you happened to have killed anyone or anything while on your little excursion."

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