I flopped down on the bed and Ben immediately stomped onto my chest and informed me that he has not been petted for days and this is a completely unacceptable development. Steps must be taken. After several minutes of contrition, he has allowed me to live.
Meanwhile, Brandon the border collie believes that the only reason Kevin would sit down is to pet him--they've been parted so long!--and nearly climbed into Kevin's lap. While he was on the toilet. (All I heard was "Buddy, no. No. Do you mind? I'm trying to--no. Down. Can I have a little...oh, never mind...Yes, I missed you, too.")
Full con report later. I go die now.