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Not My World

So I just got off the phone from a conference call with my agent and somebody else’s agent (you know their stuff) and we discussed the possibility of various options for Dragonbreath, none of which I am going to talk about now, and would ask that y’all refrain from speculation, since I can’t say anything, and in the way of all things, even if somebody DID option it for something, odds are good I would get a nice little check and then Absolutely Nothing Would Happen, and then maybe sometime in the future someone else would be interested and if lucky, I would get a nice little check again.

Such is the dance of options.

I have been on con calls before where the subject under discussion was Digger, or was a story I hadn’t even written yet and I was basically just brainstorming for hire (none of which led to anything with that particular client, but one of which ideas became Bread Wizard, so hey, nothing is ever wasted.) Nothing has ever come of it, but hey, nothing ever comes of these things ’til it does, so you gotta keep taking the calls.

So I listen and occasionally I make an appreciative noise or ask a question.* They talk about budgets and merchandising and quote numbers that would set me up for life if anything actually happened (which it almost certainly won’t.) I make more appreciative noises, because this is sort of like telling me how high the lottery jackpot is today–yes, that IS a great deal of money, but the odds of me taking it home are nearly non-existent, so I don’t get excited.

But it comes home to me now and again that This Is Not My World.

OTHER AGENT: If you’re in front of the computer right now, you can look up this company…

ME: Helen, you’re gonna have to google that, I’m pulling weeds.

MY AGENT: (starts laughing.)


ME: Pulling weeds. Uh, it’s not that I’m not taking you seriously, I swear, but I only get good reception out in front of the house, and then I’m right there and there are these weeds…

MY AGENT: (still laughing) See? Makes…total…(ahaha)…sense…

OTHER AGENT: (plaintively)  …I have never had anyone say that to me on a con call before.

He seemed nice.



*Everyone is very kind and answers these questions as if they are not deeply inane or betraying a total ignorance of the industry in question. I am plagued, not by the feeling that I am asking stupid questions—I long ago stopped worrying about THAT—but by the feeling that I don’t know which questions I SHOULD be asking. My agent asks the important ones, or hires the people who then ask the important ones. This is why agents are lovely.

Originally published at Tea with the Squash God. You can comment here or there.

Weeding is important!
So are agent calls, but both at one time? That's good multi-tasking.

Laughing so hard I almost passed out and ended up coughing til I saw stars!!!

Me too! Also, full bladder. Nearly problematic.

Since I can't resist speculating....

I expect Hitchcock will be directing, with Harryhausen on animation and Orson Welles narrating.

Re: Since I can't resist speculating....

And here I was imagining Miyazaki animating...

This is how rumors start, isn't it... >_>

Giggling here, literally LOL!
[well, LOLBQ, laugh out loud but quietly, really. It is late here and people are in bed.]

Methinks this is why things keep happening to/for you, agents talk to each other and none of them quite know what to make of you, but are vastly entertained and tell their friends, who are interested enough to call you...

Edited at 2012-08-09 11:33 pm (UTC)

Somehow, between your icon & my caffeine-deprived morning-person brain, I interpreted LOLBQ as involving cackling and a charcoal grill. Your proper translation is a thing I'm glad of and a thing I'm likely to do when next I'm at a cookout.

Ahahahahah!!! That is SO totally a you-thing to do . . . I'm amused that your agent knows you well enough to take it in stride ;)


I wish you all the luck of striking the entertainment lottery! I have my own experiences of said, only they did not end as well so I shan't repeat them here. But I really hope you do hit pay dirt. ^.^

Or mulch, as the case may be ...

Sounds perfectly normal to me!
(What kind of stuffed shirts has OtherAgent been hanging around? ;-)

I know you said not to speculate, but I couldn't help thinking for a second about Dragonbreath as a cartoon - and the comparison that popped into my mind was Phineas and Ferb!

YES! THIS! With less music and more snark! And no annoying older sister!

I heart Phineas & Ferb, but I'm getting really sick of Candace. Are teenagers that neurotic these days? My daughter is five, I'm so dreading adolescence.

"We will accept only VICTORY!"

I love that your agent knows you so well.

(Deleted comment)
Pedestal Lite! A nice little brick of alabastar, that they can put one foot upon for you to go "Oooh." for five minutes or so until you notice they're eating a burrito, or doing something else normal.

No speculation, but still wishing you the Best of Luck!
Because, if anything comes out of this WE (your fans) WIN!!!!

Pulling weeds ....

So I have a lovely garden bench that my parents bought me - one of those huge teak estate benches under an oak tree with a lovely vista. Next to a splashy bird fountain.

Every few months, my folks ask if I ever sit in it. Briefly, I say. My butt touches wood just long enough to spot the next patch in need of weeding. My dad's a garden fanatic, too, so he just nods.

Gardeners never relax on their benches.

Benches are the carrot at the end of the stick...

Hey! It says this was posted at 11:15pm, but I'm reading it at 9:56pm on the east coast! Why didn't you tell us about your time machine?!

I have yet to figure out how LJ puts times on the posts; I think they put down the poster's local time, and then each comment has IT'S own local time....

Reading between the lines, I would be extremely happy if any of this actually does come to pass. You deserve to be set up for life and we would love to see other ummm avenues of your work & merch :)

Apart from anything else, I'd love to see what you & Kevin would do with a "set up for life" arrangement ... (thinking of the XKCD comic, I like to give you stuff to see the strange things you do with it)

Sorry that sound weird coming from someone who only follows your blog and doesn't know you. Not a stalker, honest. Crawling back into my hole now.

You are no different to the rest of us. There are no signs here saying " Warning: do not feed the Ursula". :-)

I wouldn't be surprised if it isn't that nobody's ever been pulling weeds and talking to Other Agent, it's just that he's never met anybody who was willing to admit it.