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Official Warning

This is your official warning, internet. I woke up this morning singing “White Christmas” and lit up a gingerbread-scented candle.

Be afraid.

And have a picture of my cat. (Okay, he’s really Kevin’s cat now. I know when I’m beat.)


I am little! And orange! And compact!

That’s Ben in the background, but in his defense, he is laying at one of those weird angles and is actually made primarily of muscle and entitlement.

Also, I wrote a gardening post over at Beautiful Wildlife Garden, about a low-maintenance garden I don’t actually own, which, which not quite as amusing as my Plea For A Better Class Of Knick-Knacks,still has some pretty good plant lists for our area.

ETA: Thanks for everybody who asked about Ben! He's doing great. The last big flare-up after his back teeth got pulled---which had put me in the oh-god-this-is-it mode---really was the last one. He's been fine since, and continues to run the household and bully everyone except occasionally Kevin.

Originally published at Tea with the Squash God. You can comment here or there.

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Suggestion for gardening knick-knacks: Stepping stones (or signs) with Monty Python quotes. I imagine "Not dead yet! Getting better" or "It's just a flesh wound!" as good things to put near struggling items, and "NI!" would be funny near anything that loomed tall. In fact, a chain of stepping stones that each said "NI!" in growing font size as you approach looming things would be quite funny.

But that's me. And those might be easy DIYs if you're ever struck with a desire to pull up your stepping stones and paint them, rather than try to find someone doing that commercially.

I'm also partial to the campy ones you see in Skymall type magazines.

But I'm not a gardener so I know shit all.

Any suggestions for things to put on an NY balcony? I feel like I've asked this before but I can't remember when or what the answer was. I've got some ivy plants and I've let a creeping vine take over the sill because I've got a black thumb and it seemed like a waste to uproot anything that was growing (though it's starting to scare me with how huge it's gotten; I feel like it's going to throttle me while I sleep someday) but it seems like I should actually get some proper plants.

Oh, also those tiny doors you can put on the base of trees to make them look like fairy houses. /shmaltzlover/fairylover

While I like the little doors and windows, I really drool over the entfaces that you wrap around the tree trunk. (http://www.designtoscano.com/product/indoor+statues/fantasy+statuary/assorted+creatures/the+spirit+of+nottingham+woods+tree+sculpture+-+db33001.do?sortby=bestSellers)

And re your stepping stone idea - there are kits you can buy (for kids to do, so they should be simple) that you can personalize - I think that the NI idea is do-able with something like that - mosaic bits embedded in the "stone" matrix rather than painted on.

Yeah, but I don't think it's even necessary to buy a kit. Acrylic paint and a good sealant would probably work well enough for a while. But I know the kits you're talking about to create mosaic ones. My only problem is those are still a little pricy.

The "ni" stepping stones would of course lead to...a shrubbery.

OF COURSE! #facepalm
Why didn't I think of that? DURP.

I've heard tell of lilacs on NY balconies, which always sounded like a good plan.

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