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Slice Of Life: Idiot Adult Version

SCENE: A hallway, with two very large rabbit paintings hung in it. Our heroine has just opened the bedroom door to find KEVIN’s teenage son standing in the hall, looking perturbed. There is a distant baying of beagles under the bed.


ME: Can we help you?

KEVIN’S OLDEST: What were those…noises?

ME: …

ME: …Y’know, if I were a teenage boy, there are some questions I just wouldn’t ask.

KEVIN’S OLDEST: Gotcha. (flees)

(Learning not to question strange squawks and yelps from other people’s bedrooms is a Valuable Life Skill. He didn’t need to know that we’d actually been doing bad kung-fu movie imitations and poking one another in the ribs, until the squawking set off the border collie’s herding instincts and he began trying to wrangle us both into more dog-acceptable positions.)

Originally published at Tea with the Squash God. You can comment here or there.

It's worse when the border collie takes ALL noises in the bedroom as an excuse to race around frantically barking. I will not say I know this from experience, but make your own assumptions and they might not be too far off the mark.

Schnauzers do that too *looks around shiftily*

not having kids of our own, we sometimes regret not being able to thoroughly mortify and mentally scar a kid for life with the things we do. Like the TV show Chuck. Love it or hate it, you have to admit it had one of the coolest theme songs in years. We would chair dance to it every week, just because we could, and we'd have done it with a roomful of teenagers just to see the look on the kid's faces.

IDK if you know this already, but the Chuck theme song is the musical interlude to the song Short Skirt/Long Jacket by Cake. If you want to chairdance to it more. :D

It's better than them banging on the wall and shouting through it to "stop making bed bunnies as I'm trying to sleep". (No wonder she's an only child!)

Sometimes, I think it's an only child thing. ;)

Ah. I was totally the teenager who knocked on my parents bedroom door with a "You've got another 5 minutes, and then I need quiet. I have an exam in the morning!"

... yeeeah. My mom didn't stop blushing for 3 days.

You win. Which you already knew, no doubt :)

Somehow, this comes to mind.

Looking forward to the next trauma you can bestow on the kid :)

Yeah, our kid learned the hard way if the door is closed you don't just walk in...

Fortunately, the one time I did that, it was so early in the morning I hadn't put my glasses on. So it was all just blurs and "please leave".

After growing up with the master bedroom just on the other side of the wall, I now insist that any house plans I ever consider have AT LEAST a hallway between, if not an entire floor. And what's up with putting the master bedroom off the living/dining room, anyway? O_o

This is full of Win. Although few things beat a three year old running out into the living room and interrupting because he thought Mommy was being hurt.

LOL. I only came close to interrupting my parents once, and I was in college already. I came downstairs for a late night bathroom break (no upstairs potty), heard seriously unwell panting sounds, and briefly considered calling 911. Then the light dawned and I went back upstairs (and held it all night, out of embarrassment).

I mean, neither of my parents is quite so aerobically fit as they maybe should be. It really sounded concerning!

I work in a hotel.

I have heard THINGS...

I once checked in two older gentlemen into the room above the lobby office. It's a single King, but I didn't think anything of it.

About an hour later... The best way to describe it would be as someone beating a walrus to death witha two by four...

*WACK! WHACK! WHACK!* "Nrrrrrgh!" *WACK! WHACK! WHACK!* "Rrrraaagh!" *WACK! WHACK! WHACK!* "Aaaaauuugh!"

... yeah.

Best "room next door" description I've ever heard was from a comedienne named Cal Wilson, who said that "either the couple next door were getting a little afternoon delight or someone was very rhythmically upsetting a puppy."

He didn’t need to know that we’d actually been ...

But we do!


My kids know better than to ask (they're aged 20-26), but the other day husband and I were having A Moment that involved my climbing into his lap on the futon--whereupon ALL FOUR DOGS immediately tried to get into his lap too. Simultaneously.

We are still laughing helplessly about that one.

Fortunately, dogs are not allowed upstairs (where the bedrooms are).

L.M.A.O. Heh. You've scarred him for life.