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This Is A New One

Today I received a brand-new never before seen piece of spam.

Sent to the Red Wombat Studio Form:

Kathie wrote:
Hello, I am writing in an unusual case ... Some time ago, I used your services,
and one of your employees face was familiar to me. At dinner with my wife, it
turned out that he was a burglar, who 5 years ago broke into our home!!! This is
ridiculous!!! How you can hire criminals? I found at least 3 bad entries for him
at website for background check http://everifies.com !! I am sure there are
more!!! Please do something about it, things like that are ridiculous!!!

Wow.

Let’s unpack that, shall we?

I have no problem with the fact that “Kathie” is having dinner with her wife. It’s totally cool. Century of the Fruitbat.

I do kinda wonder how this hypothetical conversation went down, though.

“Hey, honey, today I was using Red Wombat Tea Company’s services. You know, that company that doesn’t really exist and hasn’t sold tea for years. One of the non-existent employees looked vaguely familiar. I wonder where I’ve seen him before?”

“Did he look like the burglar?”

“I’m a little troubled at how you always return to the burglar, hon. I mean, you did it last week to those Mormon missionaries.”

“They could have been casing the joint.”

“…and the UPS guy.”

“He had hair! The burglar had hair! What, do you just WANT us to be robbed again!?”

“Well, no. But it’s been five years. Maybe we should just move on.”

“HE COULD HAVE BEEN THE BURGLAR!”

“Honey, we never even got a look at the burglar. We were in the Bahamas. The neighbors called the cops.”

“We saw his mug-shots. Let me get them. We’ll settle this right now!”

“I’m a little disturbed that you keep his mug shots in the vegetable crisper.”

“It’s easier to get them that way when there’s a chance you might have seen him at some point during the day. Kathie, look at this man! WAS THIS THE MAN YOU SAW!?”

“That’s a piece of lettuce.”

“No, not that! This one!”

“…sure. Might have been. I dunno. He had hair, anyway. Can we just have dinner?”

“Kathie, you are sending that awful place an e-mail tomorrow telling them that their hair-wearing employee has a criminal past!”

“…sigh. Yes, dear.”

Originally published at Tea with the Squash God. You can comment here or there.



You get the cool/interesting spam!

I have no wish for body parts I don't own to be enlarged.

Isn't that the thing? I always wish, as long as people are selling/mining my information, they'd mine bio sex as well, so at least it wasn't for body parts I don't even HAVE. :P

I admit to occasionally baiting spammers. It's a guilty pleasure.

I figure the closest thing there is to a male employee of Red Wombat tea is Kevin?

Hmm, yes, he IS incredibly suspicious, what with being a cat-rescuing Boy Scout and all...

The thing that jumps out at me (from personal experience, alas) is the complete and total unlikelihood of a burglar actually being CAUGHT -- and if he wasn't caught, how does this "Kathie" person know what he looked like?

I came home last year to find two people in the act of robbing my house, and saw one of them myself; my neighbor saw both of them, and was the one who alerted me; and, well, they never got caught. So it is entirely possible to know what your burglar looked like without them being caught!

That said, it's probably a bit unusual.

Well, that's different. "Here there be trolls."



HOW CAN YOU HIRE CRIMINALS!?!?



It's easy -- the government and the banks do it all the time.

Presumably the goal of this spam is to get you to go to everifies, which is probably an attempt to confuse with eVerify.com which is a legitimate site.

Impressive.

I've definitely been getting more spam that attempts to make me feel bad (you are doing XYZ wrong, you need to fix it). I wonder if someone talked to a psychiatrist and decided that negging works better for attention.

If nobody hires criminals, only criminals will be unemployed. And then it's a short trip back to a life of crime! Yee-haw!

odd how the website doesn't exist, maybe it got stolen?

Wow, that's glorious.

Edited at 2013-10-24 12:41 am (UTC)

We here at Red Wombat Tea Services, Limited (very limited!) take such accusations very seriously, and would like to investigate this issue further. To do so, we will need to know the address of the property that was burgled, as well the social security number of the property owner, a copy of current photo identification and a copy of a current bill showing residency. Just for verification purposes, of course.

That is a hilarious new level of spam! Very creative!

“I’m a little disturbed that you keep his mug shots in the vegetable crisper.”

Okay. That's where I lost it. To the point of scaring the local felines.

It could be worse.

She could have iced him.

Received this exact spam

(Anonymous)
This spam made it through our spam filter. Very unusual, but I the site it has referred to has been shut down.

Looks like you've got some competition for "Hidden Almanac" scripts!

?

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