UrsulaV (ursulav) wrote,

The List

So I go in today at 2:25 for a doctor's exam.

I melted down a bit last night. Today I am sort of grimly cheerful. Kevin is going with me, because...well...if it's bad, it's better to have someone there.

My mother called to warn me that they will probably send me for a mammogram and there is no point in trying to divine the future from their every word or expression because they will scare the crap out of you largely by accident.

I made a list. Lists are good, right?

Best-Case Scenario: "It's a cyst. You're fine. Don't worry about it. Call if it gets painful."

Even Better Best-Case Scenario: "It's a cyst. It's a textbook example of a cyst. Cysts don't get any more cyst-like than this. Nurse! Come check out how totally non-cancerous this cyst is!"

Slightly Less Best But Still Pretty Good Case Scenario: "It's a cyst. We're gonna drain it. Say hello to Mr. Pointy!"

Likely Scenario: (Noncommittal noises.) "It's probably a cyst, but let's send you for a mammogram/ultrasound to be sure."

Bad Scenario 1: "Oh dear. Let's send you for a mammogram/ultrasound right this minute."

Really Bad Scenario 1: Bad Scenario 1 + "Your double mastectomy is scheduled for Thursday."

Bad Scenario 2: "You know, I have no idea what this is. Let's send you for a mammogram/ultrasound right this minute."

Really Bad Scenario 2: Bad Scenario 2 + "Spell your name for the medical text books."

Scenario I Am Half-Expecting: "What lump? I can't find a lump."

Scenario I Am Half-Expecting 2: "You know you've had that for the last five years, right? Did you not notice before?"

Given My Luck Scenario: "You've got boob-clams."
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