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breeden
ursulav

D&D: Someone For Everyone, More Or Less

We were fighting Briar Witch Dryads (We named them Holly and Tannenbaum) in the temple of Vecna when a thought suddenly occurred to Rooster the (well-meaning, not very bright) paladin.

ROOSTER: "Heyyyyyy, ladies...you know, we have a friendly wood-woad back home at the castle...all you'd have to do is renounce evil and I'd be happy to introduce you..."

(This is true. We befriended him some years ago, thereby derailing a great deal of plot. He lives in the orchard now.)

GM: "No. Just no. No. Anyway, you'll have to wait until your turn."

ME: "But I can roll Diplomacy on my turn?"

GM: "Fine, sure, whatever."

Rooster's turn rolls around...

ROOSTER: "So! Let me tell you about my friend Woad-Bob! He has his own wasp nest! Very...um...sexy bark? With...err...great...big..boles..."

GM: "I guess that's versus will, but..."

ME: (rolls high) "You know I have +19 to Diplomacy, right?"

GM: "...oh, you're f'ing kidding me!"

*pause for gentle sounds of GM head meeting keyboard*

GM: (grimly) "Tannenbaum would like to hear more about Woad-Bob."

ROOSTER: "I have a picture in my wallet!"

RANGER: "...why do you have pictures of the wood-woad in your wallet?"

ROOSTER: "It's not weird. I have everybody's picture. Drow-Bob...Woad-Bob...that one kobold with the thing on his head...the Hydra...You know, in case I meet a nice young monster looking to settle down."

RANGER: "How is that not weird?"

ROOSTER: *carefully hides the ranger's picture* "Check out Woad-Bob! Look at those branches! And his own orchard!"

GM: "The dryad leaves combat and is waiting to go back to the castle with you. Why. What is this. What. How?"
Tags:

Rooster: best village matchmaker EVER.

I do enjoy Rooster's creative ways of avoiding combat. Possibly more than your GM does :)

*nods* Make love not saving throws.

That slogan needs to be printed on something. Not a t-shirt, but something.

I laughed so hard that I was forced to read this out loud to the wife and co-husband. For some reason Rooster's voice came out much higher and perkier than your OOC voice.

The GM I did in my own voice. I understand the frustration, even if I've never had players as awesomely surreal as you.

I read it to my wife.. and then, in reverse order, every other D&D-tagged post of Ursula's. :D (She's a dog trainer, so the hellhound one was particularly entertaining. :)

Edited at 2013-12-17 05:29 am (UTC)

Rooster the Mythical Matchmaker!

"I cast a spell! I can cast any of these, right?"

Hey, effective conflict resolution is all about the creativity, baby!
If you can throw your opponent off of their game, that's most of the battle right there!

I used to drive a RuneQuest control freak GM nuts by asking questions about details he hadn't predestined. Once we were in a box canyon with no cover, facing a cavalry attack. I asked which way the wind was blowing, and, since he was becoming difficult, said, "There's basically only two ways for wind to blow here, so... are we downwind, so we can smell them?"

"No," he said suspiciously. "You're upwind."

"But it's bare, muddy ground, right?" I persisted.

"No. Grassland," he said, looking smug. "Dry."

"Okay. I set a grass fire."

Not long after that I ended up kicked out of the game.

(Onstage I believe it's called forcing a card.)

That's poor GM-ing... he should've had the enemy have an amulet of wind, and change the direction after you set the fire. [kinda makes sense for them to have it, if they want to make certain of approaching from downwind.]

This is how paladins should do their thing! They should be making friends and bringing them over to the side of good without, only killing if they have to.

I approve 100%.

I actually cheered aloud when I saw the tag on this post. Your DnD group is the absolute best, I love Rooster, and I'd love to read more highlights and transcripts!

I know of three kinds of GM. The kind that flatly refuses to allow outlandish plans to be attempted, the kind that fudges rolls to make sure their plot doesn't go off the rails, and the kind that wholeheartedly accepts anything in the name of fun. I've never heard of one the grudgingly and reluctantly allows something to work.

I think this GM has residual feelings that he wants to run a "proper, serious game" where his forces get to retain some dignity. It's amazing how many people think that if a solution is funny, it isn't the right answer.

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This is totally unrelated to this post, but I had to share. Earlier today I was looking through the very beginning of your Livejournal -- I was looking for something specific, but now I don't remember what -- and came across the post in which you finished The Monster Under the Bed. To quote that post, it "spanned approximately six months of my life--waaaay longer than I had planned to devote to any one story." I may have looked over at my lovely new Digger omnibus and laughed more than a little.

(This also inspired me to reread both arcs of Irrational Fears and laugh some more at the realization that yes, I had heard the name "Ahuizotl" before he showed up on My Little Pony. Your version is far cuter.)

I am a TERRIBLE prophet.

I totally would've rolled with that...and have the dryad mention she has a friend back home who's also looking for a special someone to settle down with... *cue dryad coyly looking at Rooster*...

Seriously though, why is it that so many players forget that Role-playing games means not just killing things, but also includes actually role-playing !

I would have given you extra Xp for that.

Edited at 2013-12-17 12:19 pm (UTC)

I miss RGing. Though I don't think our adventures were quite as awesome as yours! Our DM, however, was probably less stressed....

Why are GMs always surprised when paladins attempt diplomacy?
* It's one of their class skills.
* Charisma is their best attribute.
* They're "lawful good" and thus should be pursuing a path of least bloodshed.

Sigh. Managed expectations, I guess.

Also, why would anyone be surprised that YOU would attempt diplomacy? Srsly, have they met you?

IKR? I played a cleric of the goddess of love and beauty* and everybody was always surprised when I tried to talk to the enemies. Really, if you haven't figured out that I'm going to either flirt with them or offer them cookies by now, it's not MY fault!

*A dwarven cleric of the elven goddess of love and (highly sexual) beauty, actually. She caused a lot of dramatic sighs back at the temple, and was sent on adventures because she just *ruined* the look of their choir.

My players just decided to treat my plot like the croquet ball in Alice this past weekend. I totally sympathize with your GM.

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