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breeden
ursulav

D&D: Someone For Everyone, More Or Less

We were fighting Briar Witch Dryads (We named them Holly and Tannenbaum) in the temple of Vecna when a thought suddenly occurred to Rooster the (well-meaning, not very bright) paladin.

ROOSTER: "Heyyyyyy, ladies...you know, we have a friendly wood-woad back home at the castle...all you'd have to do is renounce evil and I'd be happy to introduce you..."

(This is true. We befriended him some years ago, thereby derailing a great deal of plot. He lives in the orchard now.)

GM: "No. Just no. No. Anyway, you'll have to wait until your turn."

ME: "But I can roll Diplomacy on my turn?"

GM: "Fine, sure, whatever."

Rooster's turn rolls around...

ROOSTER: "So! Let me tell you about my friend Woad-Bob! He has his own wasp nest! Very...um...sexy bark? With...err...great...big..boles..."

GM: "I guess that's versus will, but..."

ME: (rolls high) "You know I have +19 to Diplomacy, right?"

GM: "...oh, you're f'ing kidding me!"

*pause for gentle sounds of GM head meeting keyboard*

GM: (grimly) "Tannenbaum would like to hear more about Woad-Bob."

ROOSTER: "I have a picture in my wallet!"

RANGER: "...why do you have pictures of the wood-woad in your wallet?"

ROOSTER: "It's not weird. I have everybody's picture. Drow-Bob...Woad-Bob...that one kobold with the thing on his head...the Hydra...You know, in case I meet a nice young monster looking to settle down."

RANGER: "How is that not weird?"

ROOSTER: *carefully hides the ranger's picture* "Check out Woad-Bob! Look at those branches! And his own orchard!"

GM: "The dryad leaves combat and is waiting to go back to the castle with you. Why. What is this. What. How?"
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"I cast a spell! I can cast any of these, right?"

Hey, effective conflict resolution is all about the creativity, baby!
If you can throw your opponent off of their game, that's most of the battle right there!

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