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D&D: Someone For Everyone, More Or Less

We were fighting Briar Witch Dryads (We named them Holly and Tannenbaum) in the temple of Vecna when a thought suddenly occurred to Rooster the (well-meaning, not very bright) paladin.

ROOSTER: "Heyyyyyy, ladies...you know, we have a friendly wood-woad back home at the castle...all you'd have to do is renounce evil and I'd be happy to introduce you..."

(This is true. We befriended him some years ago, thereby derailing a great deal of plot. He lives in the orchard now.)

GM: "No. Just no. No. Anyway, you'll have to wait until your turn."

ME: "But I can roll Diplomacy on my turn?"

GM: "Fine, sure, whatever."

Rooster's turn rolls around...

ROOSTER: "So! Let me tell you about my friend Woad-Bob! He has his own wasp nest! Very...um...sexy bark? With...err...great...big..boles..."

GM: "I guess that's versus will, but..."

ME: (rolls high) "You know I have +19 to Diplomacy, right?"

GM: "...oh, you're f'ing kidding me!"

*pause for gentle sounds of GM head meeting keyboard*

GM: (grimly) "Tannenbaum would like to hear more about Woad-Bob."

ROOSTER: "I have a picture in my wallet!"

RANGER: "...why do you have pictures of the wood-woad in your wallet?"

ROOSTER: "It's not weird. I have everybody's picture. Drow-Bob...Woad-Bob...that one kobold with the thing on his head...the Hydra...You know, in case I meet a nice young monster looking to settle down."

RANGER: "How is that not weird?"

ROOSTER: *carefully hides the ranger's picture* "Check out Woad-Bob! Look at those branches! And his own orchard!"

GM: "The dryad leaves combat and is waiting to go back to the castle with you. Why. What is this. What. How?"

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I used to drive a RuneQuest control freak GM nuts by asking questions about details he hadn't predestined. Once we were in a box canyon with no cover, facing a cavalry attack. I asked which way the wind was blowing, and, since he was becoming difficult, said, "There's basically only two ways for wind to blow here, so... are we downwind, so we can smell them?"

"No," he said suspiciously. "You're upwind."

"But it's bare, muddy ground, right?" I persisted.

"No. Grassland," he said, looking smug. "Dry."

"Okay. I set a grass fire."

Not long after that I ended up kicked out of the game.

(Onstage I believe it's called forcing a card.)

That's poor GM-ing... he should've had the enemy have an amulet of wind, and change the direction after you set the fire. [kinda makes sense for them to have it, if they want to make certain of approaching from downwind.]

Plus, if the wind isn't strong, the fire would still spread in both directions. And wind can change direction.

That's hardly a plot-derailing act, and easily worked around. Seriously, if that's enough to throw him off his game, he should just write a damn novel and stop pretending to have "players".

Indeed, you can tell those who got started playing video-games, they tend to try play RPG's like those, with invisible walls and plot-lines on rails.

Those are usually the sort that whine about players derailing the plot and doing the unexpected.

I'm pretty sure that type predates videogames.

You're probably right... the sort that're rules lawyers when they're players.

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