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I'm on Book Tour

I will be on book tour for the next two weeks!

You can come out and see me at these locations!

Seriously, people! I beg of you, come out!

See, as you may know–as I have posted here before–book tours are not easy on me. I like travel, but I don’t like airports (Does anyone like airports?) And I am pretty introverted and while I like hanging out with people, I need time to recharge. Weekend at a con? Easy! On a two week book tour…not easy. And I will be in an airport literally every day and a different hotel all but two nights.

The end result, after about two days, is that even though all the people I meet are very nice, I am thrust into a weird alternate universe where I live on planes and in hotels and I am having the same conversations over and over again with different bookstore staff and the strategic small talk reserves are running low and–this is the rough bit–everybody somehow thinks I am a Respectable Children’s Book Author and I cannot blow my cover.

By the fourth day, I start to get seriously homesick for that other life where I am just some weirdo with a garden and a couple of podcasts who writes more than is healthy about wombats, and the media escorts are saying things like “Why don’t you just sit here for a little bit and you don’t have to talk to anyone, and can I get you some tea, honey?”

So this is where I am begging you to come out, because you guys are my life line. Talk to me about gardening or awful prepackaged food or kingfishers or the Corn God rising mad from the fields or Pokemon Go and it will be like I am in my real life again for a minute and I will be less homesick.

Honestly. I know this sounds pathetic but at the last book tour people kept coming out at the stops and talking to me about–oh, butterflies and honey and I got a stuffed moth and it meant so much to me. I got to be normal for a little bit. As normal as I get, anyhow. I am bad with names, but my head is full of person-with-Digger-omnibus-and-shirt and nice-women-with-poison-oak-honey and person-who-gave-me-Moth-Bob and person-who-drove-in-at-the-last-minute-after-emailing-Kevin and person-who-brought-Red-Vines (seriously, I ate those things like they were drugs keeping me sane) and guy-I-know-from-Anthrocon and just…yeah. Thank you.

Just don’t blow my cover. For some reason, the authorities think I am a good influence on the youth of today, with the reading and the empowerment and the vocabulary building, and if nobody tells them that I have no idea what I’m doing, I may get to keep this writing gig for a few more years.

It occurs to me, in my sleep-starved state, to wonder if it might be possible for your agent to find children's garden-planting events of some sort, or something. Some schools have their own gardens. Let you get your hands in the dirt occasionally while on tour.

Probably not an actual thing. Just a very tired thought.

Darn it, I was hoping for a Greenville, Spartanburg, or Asheville stop!

Oh, I wish I was close to some of these. Alas, I'm out in CA. Maybe you'll have something going on around CrossingsCon I could travel to.....

I like airports because there are aeroplanes there!


I sure would if I could! Think of all the people who would make it and are wishing you well instead. =)

I see Portland is not on your list. Maybe next time.

...Write a garden book? Or a garden-based book? (Taking on some of the saccharine Victoriana of that sort might be an interesting direction to go with that.)

Can respectable children's book authors talk about growing beans, and bird-watching trips, and maybe even missing their husbands? (The last I heard, heterosexual marriages were considered respectable.) People might or might not want to see your vacation pictures of African birds, but offering might make the small talk less tedious for you.

Aww. I'm a fan who lives in Georgia, and ordinarily I would consider making the drive up to Decatur, but we'll be out of state visiting my in-laws on that day. Maybe next time!

Unfortunately I have a class during the time of the appearance when you'll be nearest to me. (Unfortunately, it's not one I can really skip.) Good luck with everything, I'm sure you can do it.

Darn! I would go without awfulhorrid, but I don't think I could convince my boss to let me out of work early for an author visit an hour away. :( Who at Random-Penguin thought that 4:30 pm on a Tuesday was a good time for an author visit? Although, since that's the last stop listed, does that mean you get to fly home that evening?

I think you're adorable and if you ever tour New Zealand, I am so there to blather on about stuff (anything you want). All the best for the book tour. You are going on a book tour!

Just make sure that when you do go to New Zealand, you visit more than the huge 'burg of Auckland...

OK, about a third of the population lives there, but the rest is well worth a visit, particularly if you get to drive around rather than flying between the main centres - lots of time on our own(ish) between stops that way...

As awesome as it would be, I can't do a five hour drive just to hear you talk about invincible hamsters. Maybe if it were something interesting, like the kind of dirt it takes to grow soybeans...

When are you doing Joseph-Beth Bookstore in Cincinnati? It's one of the most awesome bookstores evar.

I'll have to keep an eye out for when you are next in the DC area...

Google Maps confirms that your two nearest stops to me are both 10h30m away -- at right angles to each other. It's too far for me to consider.

But if I showed up with a printout of Toad Words, or Nine Goblins, would I get an autograph from T Kingfisher?

Don't forget to pack to pack for Fall (aka 50s and rainy) in Illinois this time!