Log in

No account? Create an account
Previous Entry Share Next Entry

Seed Starting Journal

The conversation with our friendly local law enforcement went something like "Okay, so let's say the heroine just found a freaky dead deer effigy in the woods..."
"In or out of season?"
"We'd make Wildlife deal with it."

And then about ten minutes on possible variations. He was very helpful, but man, you'd think nobody ever asked him about evil deer effigies before.

  • 1
No zombie deer division? I'm shocked.

Apparently none that anyone admits to..

Obviously we need more @ApprovedNews6.

I bet they'd make Wildlife deal with it if it was in season as well. :)

It'd go straight into local cop folklore. "You think that's weird? There was the time that woman called about that thing out in the woods---Pete went out. Hey, Pete! Tell 'em about that... that thing in the woods. With the antlers."

"Yeah, yeah, so there was this woman who called in, a nice lady, and she said she found this thing made out of a dead deer and she was all worked up about it, and so we went out---me and Butters, remember Butters, he retired a couple years ago, yeah everybody knows Butters---and yeah it was like a, a deer on a stick, sort of thing, and we figured some kids had gotten hold of a roadkill deer and they were just messing around, you know, kids. So we called Wildlife and let 'em know it was out there. It was kind of gross."

Edited at 2016-02-23 05:30 am (UTC)

"So... that's why we don't have a Wildlife Dept any more?"
"Couldn't they like recruit some more people?"
"Nobody would take the job. Like I said, it was kind of gross, what happened to them. Made the Tv and everything."

Edited at 2016-02-23 12:32 pm (UTC)

We're your readers, and we're entertainingly weird... these two facts are probably not unrelated.

Remember, most of the weird stuff you find in the woods is attributed to "teenagers/those kids/those damn kids" (the former, if it involves beer cans and an old couch; latter, if it's on fire).

Edited at 2016-02-23 08:01 pm (UTC)

"We'd make Wildlife deal with it"

Best. Hand off. Ever.

And that's exactly how it would work up here. "Not our balliwick! The sheriffs deal with UFOs, not us!"

So I got to take a whole class on wildlife tranquilization and restraint (including getting to dart bison and it was awesome!), and let me tell you, talk to a wildlife vet. They're way more likely to give you more interesting answers.

no zombie deer division? It's these modern training methods. They concentrate on human and they just don't teach them to think outside the coffin...

of course they would make Wildlife deal with it... you ever try to hoof print a deer?

Mmmm seed starting! I'm reading through my WORD book and finalizing crop rotation decisions. I'm thinking that I'll be planting two sisters and skipping the third (planting corn and pole beans) with nasturtium in the bed that has evil squash beetles in it to piss the beetles off.

Edited at 2016-02-23 01:59 pm (UTC)

My eldest sister was a 911 dispatcher and one of the joys of small towns and rural communities is that I could hang out with her while she worked. I can assure you that, as a rule, cops are more concerned with running foot races (and settling other OTJ bets) and trying to figure out why the Dispatcher always knows when they're lying to her than worrying about undead deer and random theoretical effigies.

On the other hand, you've been the topic of conversation back at the cop shop for at least a full day. "I was accosted by this woman with some really strange questions. Nice lady. Strange, but nice. I hope we never get a call that involves her."

"Was it the lady with all the metal animals in her front yard?"

"Y'know, you may be right. Now I really don't want a call from her."

In that town? The reply to "with metal animals in her front yard?" Is usually followed by "Which ones?"

Edited at 2016-02-29 06:55 am (UTC)

Of course they'd let Wildlife deal with it. Then they can go back to their nice safe world of normal crime, coffee and doughnuts. Now Wildlife knows when it is just kids messing about or whether more... specialised help is needed. After all more Native Americans are going to be joining Wildlife than the police force.

Trigger Warning--mention of suicide

I have a friend who works for Animal Control in the metro Atlanta area who was once called by the cops to deal with a situation: dog owner had hanged himself and the (big) dog wouldn't let the cops get near the body.

While he was catching the dog the victim's brother (who had no idea what was going on) walked up...

They do not pay any of those folks enough.

Re: Trigger Warning--mention of suicide

No. They don't.

you'd think nobody ever asked him about evil deer effigies before.

Just as well. You don't want everyone writing about evil deer effigies.

Stumbled across your journal after not journalling for a long, long time. I'd never heard of your work but after looking I have to say that it is absolutely beautiful. Very cool stuff. Keep it up.
And good luck with the garden!

You should make him a Zombie Deer Division Officer of the Month award!

Just give him a copy of the book when it comes out. It will live in the dispatcher's office forever.

new cop: "Hey, what's with the book?"

old cop: "Go ask Bob about the weird author lady. And no, he's not making any of it up. Hand to God."

That is a great and painfully funny callback to Chessiecon 2015. Thank you!

Passing the buck (ha) is a time-honored tradition among law enforcement and other public agencies! I remember my dad having much the same response when a guy claimed he'd paid his entire back-child support debt in venison. "Oh, thank god! He's fish and wildlife's problem now!"

  • 1