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The First Church of Mulch

It is a faith of small, consistent miracles, damp soil, and hard work.

Also worms. Worms are in there somehow. We haven't worked all the details out yet.

Also worms. Worms are in there somehow.


Our Garden, who art in topsoil, hallowed be thy rake.
Thy seasons come, the sun's will be done in this zone as it is in others.
Give us this day our pollinators, and forgive us our bug spray as we forgive those who apply pesticides against us, and lead us not into exotic vegetables, for thine is the native species, and the weeding, for heirlooms and ever. Amen.

Hello I love this very much <3

(no subject) (Anonymous) Expand
I feel mulch more of a connection to this religion than any others I have encountered.

I found dog vomit slime mold on my mulch pile this morning; it made me very happy - I've found it in other places, but I've never had a slime mold in my very own yard, so exciting! :D

We did too! We were a little concerned at first thinking it might be some sort of chemical something, but once we looked it up and figured out out what it was, we were delighted!

And Lo, She looked out over the Mulch,

And it was good.

And in those days, across the lands, rose a cry--"Ow, my back!" and the mulch was spread widely, and in deep piles, and the plants prospered, and runoff was saved, and less irrigation was used. But the People cryed "Ow, my back!" again, when it was revealed that they should turn the mulch into the soil with a fork.

So GOD took pity on them, and she sent unto them her emissaries, who showed them that little things matter, that you can turn things slowly, and that fish are not friends, and indeed, the HOLY MESSENGERS are now found throughout all lands, in many forms.

AND where other, less wise religions call the messengers ANGELS and think they have white robes and fancy wings and fly, we know the wise truth: Small beings do a lot. Humility can accomplish. GOD speaks to us, teaches us, helps us grow, sends us messages--with WORMS!

And so, take care of your worms, and they shall take care of you.

--From "Second Preaching to the Interns by Mother Inferior Gomez"

Re: And Lo, She looked out over the Mulch,

WooooOOWWW my back...

Amen to all the comments!

Blessed are the worms, for they break up our soil.
Blessed are the bees, for they give to us the flowers.
Blessed are the mulch spreaders, for they enrich the earth.
And blessed is the wine, which eases our aching backs.

I could get behind this litany.

Hee. I have totally enjoyed watching your conversion, from "OMG this is way too much mulch what will I do with all this mulch ever?" to "I need more mulch. Soonest." Doesn't take long, does it?

I've typically covered everything in wood mulch, and did so again this year...

...then had it pointed out to me that there's considerable debate about whether using mulch like that changes the chemical composition and pH of the soil, resulting in less healthy plants over time, and that doesn't even start with the folks who talk about whether the stuff the mulch was made from was treated with herbicides/pesticides or other harmfuls before getting chopped up.

So now, I don't know what to think. I'm considering scraping off the layer of mulch in our vegetable garden, which has started showing diminished returns the past couple of years, and using a layer of compost on the top instead. On the other hand, I don't know if that'll be effective much at keeping the weeds down.

Nah, I wouldn't. The science seems to be that yes, possibly there is a smidgeon less available nitrogen, but it's a minimal issue. I, too, have the slightly-less-productive-over-time veggie garden, and I didn't wood mulch the veggie garden at all until last year.

Micronutrients I think are the issue. I gotta throw down more bat guano and see what happens...

following alethiometric's example.

The Mulcher's Creed

I believe in mulch, the gardener's almighty, preventer of erosion and weeds; and in worms and bugs, the aerators of soil:
and pollinators drawn to native species, It is spread by the gardener, with aching back. Suffering and dreaming of wine or other spirits.
Mulch is cast across bare soil; sheltering sprouts; fending off weeds, and is cherished by the gardener who likes to be at ease in one's creation, not pulling encroachers from the ground. I believe in mulch, the protector of gardens, the communion of pollinators, the easing of aching backs and life ever growing. Amen.

May I please print and assemble the Prayers of the Gardener, First Church of Mulch's official pamphlet?

I put mulch on the hardware store list and my husband was like "What? Again?" Oh you sweet dear.

Make me a channel for your seeds.
Where there is barren earth let me bring mulch.
Let it provide nutrients for my plants
Always be a barrier against the weeds
And lock in moisture too.

Oh Gardener never seek
To replace natives with what is new
To use herbicides and pesticides too
Let Nature do the work for you.