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Ahistorical Society: Archive Entry With Transcript, Refiled

Image located in the file "Horribly Dangerous." Following discussion (see transcript) it was refiled under "Sid's Crap."

The large stack of post-it notes and written correspondence that accumulated on this image made filing unwieldy. Transcript provided. Where chronological order could not be determined, best guess made by Intern Brittany, which would be easier if more people wrote their name on their notes.

Sid, what is this?

Horrible creepy kid statue, obvs. -Sid

Why is it in this file?

Look at it! You know it eats people or moves at night or giggles or something. -Sid

Do you have proof?

I actually agree with Sid on this one

Your opinion is noted. I repeat, Sid, do you have any proof?

Did you look at it? -Sid

The world is full of creepy statues. They don't all eat people.

Most of them do. -Sid

No, they don't.

Do so. - Sid

Can we have Marla smash it anyway?

Marla says she didn't spend twenty years get pepper sprayed on the picket lines to go around destroying lawn ornaments.

--Break in correspondance. Accompanying stains indicate someone spilled tea and mopped it up with notes--

Well, something ate the Brogans. - Sid

Unless you can prove it was this statue, you have to file the photo somewhere else.

Fine. When this thing is writing "Hide and Seek" on the wall in our guts,  just remember I told you so. - Sid

That threat was really effective the first five hundred times.

I still think we should smash it.

Transcript of notes prepared by Intern Brittany, June, 15pd, filed accordingly.

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I hereby nominate Ursula to write ALL the horror movies.

When I read this, I can HEAR their voices.
The person talking to Sid sounds like one of our librarians.

put it outside and have it watch the perimeter...

I'm with Sid and Boldfont.

When our youngest was a little child we often drove past one of those weird garden statuary places. He asked me why "those people" were like that. In a singsong voice I told him that when a person was mean, "became stone hearted", they sometimes got infected with it and turned to stone, so they were put there to be taken to lovely gardens to bask in sunlight and commune with butterflies and maybe that would cure them.

I thought he knew I was telling him a tall tale until he was about seven years old and I heard him matter-of-factly telling his friend that exact thing, as a fact. Oops.

..and that's how you get mythologies, or religions

These sort of remind me of Gearworld. Despite being thoroughly creeped out, I'm really enjoying these.

Blink, and you're dead.

That was my first thought as well.

Interesting. "pd" is the year notation? What does it mean? "Post Diaspora", a la Honor Harrington? ;-) I'm very curious.

It is a short-sighted waste that creepy garden statues never make themselves more appealing by picking slugs, pulling weeds, or raking up leaves. If they borrow your secateurs, it is not so they can cut back that one branch on the walkway that keeps thwapping people; if they are turning the compost, it's because they buried a body; and if they carry seeds all the way across the yard, it's because they're the noxious invasives that no amount of Roundup removes.

Sid is wise. We should listen to Sid.

As my garden gets fleshed out, I'm hiding small bits of statuary and the like in various places. I think I need a creepy stature somewhere tucked under the rhododendron.

I have the mental image of Sid and Marla as the backwoods version of Scully And Mulder, with a far more sensible attitude towards the creepy goings on.

Oh my god, I LOVE THESE!!

Sid and I are in complete agreement about this statue.

I'd be teeing off on it

With a 15-lb sledge. I do not like creepy dolls, or statues, or anything like that. Eeeuw.

The Seventh Bride is on sale on Amazon for $2 - thought you might like to know.

This is lovely! If you haven't already heard of it, you might enjoy the SCP Foundation. Full of experimental writeups of creepy-ass things. (link not included b/c LJ thinks it's spam)

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