Previous Entry Share Next Entry
breeden
ursulav

Archives of the Ahistorical Society: Bricklayer's Arch

Filed under "Probably Benign But That Isn't To Say It Couldn't Kill Us All Horribly In Our Sleep Someday."



Transcript of post-it notes, memos, and one memorable in-office discussion provided by Intern Brittany, who does not get paid for this, by the way, and yes, I know the economy has more or less collapsed to a barter system but an IOU would be nice from time to time, maybe?

Sid, explain this!

Right, so it's just this set of arches hanging out in the middle of the field. And according to this old-timer who lives nearby, this was built by a bricklayer who's wife died, and he built a portal to the next world to try to see her again. Except his wife--the old-timer's, not the bricklayer--said that the bricklayer never married and hated people and was trying to build a portal to get away from seeing anybody ever again. Anyway, the point is it didn't really work very well. - Sid

About the ducks....

I mean, you can walk right through it. It doesn't go anywhere. Nothing happens unless you're a duck. - Sid

You walked through it?

I was bored and it was hot. Also, not a duck. - Sid

With the understanding that I already regret asking, what about the ducks?

Ducks vanish. But then they come back, sort of. - Sid

Sort of, you say.

Well, they don't have organs. - Sid

So the ducks come back dead?

No, that's the alarming thing. The ducks eventually show up again and they're just sort of solid all the way through. They act normal. I mean, insomuch as ducks act like anything. Ducks are just kinda ducks. But they don't speak in tongues or anything. Marla is totally weirded out. - Sid

I assume you dissected a duck to find this out.

Sort of. - Sid.

Oh Jesus.

We were standing there looking at it and a bunch of ducks suddenly came out of the opening and Marla panicked and hit one with a tennis racket. - Sid

This is not proper scientific protocol.

It was what we had. - Sid

In the interests of not having my blood pressure rise any further, we will assume that you had a perfectly good reason for carrying a tennis racket, which you do not need to explain. Ever. So she hit the duck with a tennis racket.

Right, and then we had this dead duck and the guy we had been talking to was all "Are you gonna eat that?" and Marla was all "Don't eat things that appear out of thin air." - Sid

Sound advice. Yes. Good for Marla.

So anyway we looked at the duck, and it was not from around here if you know what I mean. - Sid

How so?

Well, it had extra wiggly bits under the wings. - Sid

Wiggly bits. Of course it did.

But it was mostly a duck. Anyway, you know how Marla is about things with wiggly bits, so she ran over it with the truck. - Sid

Marla never liked the wiggly ones.

And that's when we found out that the whole duck was basically made of...I dunno, Spam or something. Undifferentiated pink stuff. I wanted to put some in a jar to bring home, but Marla was all "burn it with fire, we have to burn it all" and you know how she gets. Also, she had the keys to the truck. - Sid

Good woman. Yes.

report filed June, 15 PD also by Brittany.

  • 1
Marla's Mama didn't raise any dummies, that's for sure.

I cannot fully explain how much I enjoy these. Like, forever.
~Jessica

.... but now I'm kind of craving inter dimensional wiggly spam duck.

It's the dimension the spam-singing vikings come from.

It also seems to me the arches could be used to determine if someone is a witch, by comparison against duck.

Edited at 2016-06-12 12:35 pm (UTC)

I have to agree- those arches do look as though they've been made of a bridge.


Damn solid looking brickwork though!

What's a Bricklayer's plus to Summon Ducks?

Wait, what?

Oh, this is Ursula's LJ. Right. Okay; carry on.

I love these entries you're doing. They remind me of the Peculiar Children books in some ways, but taken in a totally different direction.

having fun reading these. I liked this one especially. Weird about the ducks, damn bricklayers. :-)

Standard procedure really; I've always heard that one should never curry a duck from another dimension - but after all, who curries ducks anyway?

*raises hand*

Granted, I got told never to do that again.. but it had more to do with the spices involved I think. Still, total unfair, I mean, it was really tasty and the hallucinations were mostly just entertaining. Well, except for that one of the funny looking dog. That was a bloody nuisance, it took weeks to clean the paw-prints off the wall paper..

Depends. Are we using spices, or a brush?

Never pick up a duck in a dungeon and never bring home duckspam.

Good Marla.

These are going to be a book right?

You have no idea how much I love these vignettes and I would totally read an entire book about them.

I read this, and I wonder if you're secretly one of the writers for Night Vale.

Dogs are not allowed in the Dog Park. Humans are not allowed in the Dog Park. DO NOT LOOK INTO THE DOG PARK. PAY NO ATTENTION TO THE FAINTLY HUMMING BLACK OBELISK.

I'm getting more SCP Foundation myself. Send through a few D-Class personnel (D for duck?) and see what happens.

Marla's a smart one. Much brighter than Sid, although he seems to have a knack for finding the weird stuff and taking it in stride.

The question (in terms of Sid's good judgment) is whether he walked through it before or after he saw or heard about what happened to the ducks.

Also, even the ducks that are from around here are untrustworthy, though tasty.

I'm quite sympathetic to Marla's "burn it with fire" instincts.

Have to say, these short fragments are highly enjoyable.

But....... about the tennis racket?

OH MAKER....

I fell off the couch from laughing and answered My Husband's query of 'what happened?' with 'Ursula.' He nodded and went back to hunting rouge agents in New York.

Thank you so much for the giggles.... PLEASE keep doing them.

I love that the following exchange has become a thing.
Hubby: "Ursula?"
Me: "Ursula." (often garbled by laughter, occasionally replaced by just a nod)

I just realized that exchange has been a thing for several years now. Wow, I've been around here a while.

I have just made a note to myself that I'm going to have purchase the dead tree compilation of these if such a thing should become available.

I was just thinking about how much I want this. With a burning want.

I am fascinated to know where these odd photos are turning up from.

That is an interesting construction, it looks like some Victorian bricklayer started to construct a train station and then they told them the railway wasn't going to go through there anyway!

I am loving Sid and Marla's WTF files!




To me, it looks like part of a porch to a house that got torn down, but there I go being practical and unimaginative. Unless it wasn't torn down, like the locals insist on. A magical "Incident" happened and the rest of the house is there, just not in this dimension. That would explain the ducks. You've heard of TurDucHen? This is DucDucAieeeeArrrgh!

I love these so much. They make my imagination work overtime. I would buy a book full of little odds and ends like this. Hints of this strange world.

  • 1
?

Log in

No account? Create an account