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breeden
ursulav

(no subject)

Had an awful nightmare that I was coughing up handfuls of worms. Seriously disgusting. After expectorating several pounds of wiggly horror, I realized that there was no way I could have that many worms in my lungs or stomach and not be dead, and I started thinking about the X-Files episode where people were coughing up pins that had magically appeared in their throats because of voodoo or something, and from there, jumped to "Aha! These can't be real worms! I'm coughing up whatever I'm thinking of, and since the worms creep me out, that's make me cough up even MORE worms, etc." Well, fine. Could I cough up something else then? Somehow I decided on a peacock statue (I am weird, yes) as the ideal test subject, concentrated, and then horked up a small lapis statue of a peacock, about the size of a jumbo pack of gum. It was a pretty crappy carving, not very defined, but it was undeniably a lapis peacock. "Aha!" I thought. "Then these can't be real! Okay, everything not real, go away!" and by staring at them accusingly, managed to make the piles of worms and the peacock vanish, except for one small pile which was evidentally needed for DNA testing in a murder (although since I wasn't the murderer, and the worms wouldn't be much good at wielding knives, I have no idea how that was supposed to work.)

Anyway, it was pretty revolting and I was glad to wake up.

breeden
ursulav

(no subject)

Had an awful nightmare that I was coughing up handfuls of worms. Seriously disgusting. After expectorating several pounds of wiggly horror, I realized that there was no way I could have that many worms in my lungs or stomach and not be dead, and I started thinking about the X-Files episode where people were coughing up pins that had magically appeared in their throats because of voodoo or something, and from there, jumped to “Aha! These can’t be real worms! I’m coughing up whatever I’m thinking of, and since the worms creep me out, that’s make me cough up even MORE worms, etc.” Well, fine. Could I cough up something else then? Somehow I decided on a peacock statue (I am weird, yes) as the ideal test subject, concentrated, and then horked up a small lapis statue of a peacock, about the size of a jumbo pack of gum. It was a pretty crappy carving, not very defined, but it was undeniably a lapis peacock. “Aha!” I thought. “Then these can’t be real! Okay, everything not real, go away!” and by staring at them accusingly, managed to make the piles of worms and the peacock vanish, except for one small pile which was evidentally needed for DNA testing in a murder (although since I wasn’t the murderer, and the worms wouldn’t be much good at wielding knives, I have no idea how that was supposed to work.)

Anyway, it was pretty revolting and I was glad to wake up.

Originally published at Tea with the Squash God. You can comment here or there.


breeden
ursulav

(no subject)

Digger won an award over at Sequential Tart!

http://www.sequentialtart.com/tth_0704.shtml>http://www.sequentialtart.com/tth_0704.shtml

Although to be fair, competition for the category Best Webcomic About a Pragmatic But Tough Talking Wombat, the Semi-Ectoplasmic Shadowling Who Keeps Following Her Around, and the Various Warrior Clerics, Rat-Keeping Librarians, and Sentient Statues of Elephant-Headed Deities She Encounters When the Latest Tunnel She's Digging Accidentally Takes Her to a Very Foreign Country couldn't have been that fierce. But still, I was pleased.

breeden
ursulav

(no subject)

Digger won an award over at Sequential Tart!

http://www.sequentialtart.com/tth_0704.shtml>http://www.sequentialtart.com/tth_0704.shtml

Although to be fair, competition for the category Best Webcomic About a Pragmatic But Tough Talking Wombat, the Semi-Ectoplasmic Shadowling Who Keeps Following Her Around, and the Various Warrior Clerics, Rat-Keeping Librarians, and Sentient Statues of Elephant-Headed Deities She Encounters When the Latest Tunnel She’s Digging Accidentally Takes Her to a Very Foreign Country couldn’t have been that fierce. But still, I was pleased.

Originally published at Tea with the Squash God. You can comment here or there.


breeden
ursulav

Selected Readings from the Book of Ursula, Cantos VXII.II

In which Ursula reads too much Steven Brust and writes in really really really bad Ye Olde ManglishCollapse )

breeden
ursulav

Selected Readings from the Book of Ursula, Cantos VXII.II

And Ursula went forth into the Pennsylvania wilds, even unto Emelenton, which lieth on the bank of the river Alleghany, to visit her parents.

And Ursula’s mother, who was wise in the ways of painting and limning and drawing and many other arcane arts, spoke unto her, saying “Hast thou tried this new cradled gessoboard? Verily, it is supreme among painting surfaces, and thou shouldst check it out at once.”

And Ursula answered, saying, “Alas, I have seen the gessoboard, but fear it also, for it is ungodly expensive, and I am a cheap bastard.”

And Ursula’s mother said, “Thou must try it.”

And Ursula answered yet again, saying, “No! For if I should try the gessoboard, and find it good, and wish to forsake all other painting surfaces, it would yet be twelve dollars a square foot, and this fills me with dread even unto the depths of my wallet.”

And Ursula’s mother spoke, saying, “Yes, but you don’t have to frame it afterwards so you save money in the long run.”

And Ursula acknowledged the wisdom of this, but still fear was in her heart at the price of the gessoboard.

And Ursula’s mother grew wroth and said, “Do you take this piece, and try it! And then call me and tell me what you think.”

And Ursula bowed to her mother’s request and took the cradled gessoboard, and returned to her studio upon the nameless swamp in the land of Cary.

And several days passed, while the knowledge of the cradled gessoboard ate at her heart like a canker, and finally she took up the paintbrush, saying “Have at thee, foul painting surface!” and painted.

And it was good.

And Ursula spoke, saying “Woe! I am undone, for I love the cradled gessoboard, and yet it is twelve dollars a square foot, whereas illoboard is three bucks a sheet.”

And she spoke again, saying, “Well, bugger.”

And she went unto her husband, James, and poured out her predicament before him, but locked in mortal combat with the X-box was he, and replied only, “So pass the cost on to the consumer, then.”

And Ursula went back into her studio, but what happened next was not recorded, and the language that was heard beneath the door will not be recorded for posterity.

Originally published at Tea with the Squash God. You can comment here or there.