September 15th, 2007

breeden

(no subject)

Still alive here.

The meds still have me feeling faint more or less all the time, and I'm still not hungry, and pretty queasy in the mornings. Other than that, though, I feel fairly normal--no weird detachment, no sense of the flu. No movement on the depression front, but I've still got another two weeks before it's really supposed to kick in. The Effexor dosage doubles next week.  I'm hoping that won't kick me back into the flu-like symptoms.

It's been up and down--Thursday night was pretty bad, with personal crazymaking. Not even the anti-anxiety drugs make much of a dent when the insecurities really get flowing. Last night was pretty okay, though. For a brief weird stretch on the edge of waking, I felt strangely cheerful, while simultaneously having the weight of the depression heavy on my chest. It was a deeply odd experience. I wish it had lasted longer--being cheerful and miserable beats the heck outta being miserable alone!--but hey, at least that's some improvement, however bizarre and temporary.

Today is fairly neutral--got some work done, at least, which is a good thing. My publisher called me up Friday to say that whoops, miscalculation, they need the cover art for Nurk Monday night, or at least a rough color version of it, so that they can print the catalog. I can do it--I could have done the final cover if they REALLY needed it--speedy covers were the one thing I had serious chops in. So that's a little over half done, and well on schedule to being done.

This is a hard stretch, all things considered. No immediate improvements are gonna be forthcoming, and you know it.  All you can do is wait and hope. You've whined everything there is to whine, and you're starting to repeat yourself. You just put your head down and try to get things done and hope tomorrow is better, or at least, no worse.

Next week I'm gonna go looking for an apartment--I think having my own place again will help. I'm hoping for an October first move in--hopefully it's not too late. That'll also correspond to the three week point on my drugs, so hopefully I'll be doin' pretty good by then.

Until then...err...keepin' the faith.*

*You know, for a atheistic-with-fondness-for-Ganesh-but-nominally-Catholic-for-the-weekend value of faith.