January 24th, 2008

breeden

(no subject)

Well, the cats have definite achieved a sleeping truce. Last night they both snuggled down, one on each side of my right thigh, and proceeded to trap me in place and attain the density of lead. (They both do this by different means. Angus starts at the knees and then stretches out to full length on his back. Ben starts with his chin on my hip and then curls around into butt-warmer mode.)

This was all fine and snuggly until I had to get up to go to the bathroom. I carefully extracted myself, by virtue of putting one foot on the floor and dragging the trapped limb out sideways. Neither one of them moved.

The problem was that when I came back, in order to get back into bed, I had to stick my leg back into the gap between cats. As this gap had only ever been the size of my leg, and was now notably smaller, owing to the tendency of cats to flow*, it was rather like trying to thread a needle with a salami.

Ben made a vague grumpy sound. Angus snored.

I eventually managed to get back into position, thinking vague, five-in-the-morning thoughts about how bizarre it was that a savannah ape was bedding down with a pair of pint-sized predators, and wondering exactly which one of us had been domesticated anyhow, sagged into the mattress, and thought "...my feet are hot."

It is possible to take a sock off merely by rubbing your foot vigorously against the mattress. Ben woke up enough to gaze vaguely at this spectacle, possibly wondering if a ninja had infiltrated the blankets, but decided that a ninja would not make such a spectacle of itself.** Angus snored a bit more.

I may yet die of cricks in various parts of my anatomy, but at least I'll die warm.


*Cats, as we all know, are not a solid but a liquid with high surface tension.

**Unless it was rabid. There are few things more pitiable and terrifying than a rabid ninja.
breeden

(no subject)

My Villainess order arrived!

I haven't tried most of it yet, but the Smashing "Whipped" body creme makes me smell like pumpkin pie. As pumpkin pie was shown in a study some years ago to be one of the odors that notably increases arousal in men* I've got no problems with this. (Yes, I am willing to use science for my own nefarious ends. Otherwise what good is it?)

Plus, I mean...pumpkin pie! Dude! It's yummy! I keep getting random whiffs and getting hungry. I keep sniffing myself. This probably looked weird while I was driving, but feh, a woman's car is her castle, damnit.

Can't wait to try the other stuff...


*Look, a bibliography and everything!
 
breeden

Waaaay Too Much Information Re-Re-Redux

I was taking a hot bath a few days ago, and in a fit of madness (God, I HAVE to start making sure I have better reading material in the bathroom...) I denuded more or less everything between neck and knee. (Surprisingly easy to do, I must say, I had all these terrors of wielding a razor in those areas, but it was really rather simple.) I've been shaving rather more aggressively in that vein for awhile, as past entries have shown, but this time I decided to take it all off.

One of the NICE things about being single, zits and centipedes and cooking aside, is that you can do any damn thing you want to yourself in the grooming department without embarrassment. A good time for experimentation in that regard!

Look, it was for science, okay?*

"Huh," I said, studying the results in the mirror. "I look like a prepubescent girl."

This evening, as I got out of the shower, I looked again in the mirror and said "Great. I look like a prepubescent girl with five o'clock shadow."

Hmm. End analysis...probably not worth it to shave. Might be worth it to get the full Brazilian wax, but the stubble is too coarse and the skin too sensitive for shaving to be a long-term solution, plus it's just not terribly attractive...while I imagine many men are pleased by the lack of obscuring fuzz, I am so incredibly pale, particularly in that region, that I get the five o'clock shadow look almost immediately, and the slightest irritation or ingrown hair stands out like red neon, which I'm guessing would entirely negate the attractiveness of removal of said fuzz.

Mind you, texture-wise it's kinda nifty, the skin is certainly hyper-sensitive, and I've heard it's awfully convenient at certain times of month on the hygiene front, but I dunno. I don't feel strongly enough about it to find it worth the trouble.

 Will allow landing strip to grow out, and see how that degree of topiary compares to the other two extremes of "Screw it," and "Slash and Burn."


*I will do virtually anything in the name of science. This worries me occasionally.