May 28th, 2008

breeden

Fire Pig, Earth Rat, Snake!

So, I'm 31!

As a buddy of mine pointed out, that's a prime number. I do feel pretty prime, and not easily divisible. So that's good!

Since birthdays are the prime time for a retrospective, I will look back and say that last year sucked in exciting new ways, but it's better now. (Actually, the breakdown most strongly falls in line with the Chinese year, so rather than saying 30 sucked (the last few months of it rocked) or that 2007 sucked (It did, hard, and the suck continued on into January/early February, but then cleared up) I'm gonna go with "The Year of the Fire Pig sucked, but the Earth Rat* is kickin' ass."

Digging around actually looking up the elements for 2007, I came across the note that it was supposed to be a year of "marked difficulties" for Snakes. Despite being a good skeptic and having no particular belief (and occasional notable contempt) for astrology, I was weak enough to go "Man, you ain't kiddin'...." The difficulties weren't just marked, they were tagged and equipped with radio collars. What a time.

So, here I am, 31, and the dire stretch is apparently over, at least for now. Whew.

Looking back, I gotta say...getting a divorce was Really Really Good for me. Possibly one of the best things to ever happen to me. I certainly didn't think it at the time, and y'know, there was that whole nervous breakdown in there too, that was, um, exciting, but at the end of the day... yeah. Not just because I'm madly in love with a totally awesome guy, I hasten to add, although that does keep me wandering around with an idiot grin on my face much of the time, but for a whole lot of personal reasons. I'm tougher, I'm self-sufficient and proud of it, and I'm a lot braver and wilder and more outgoing than I was. I like who I am rather better than I did. (Mind you, I also am rather more aware of my limits, which is...good to know, I suppose, although it might have been nice to find them by some method other than running-headlong-into-brick-wall.) Still, if personal growth was fun, everybody'd be doin' it. The divorce was good for me. It sucked rocks, but the other side is a much better place.

(This is not the fault of my ex, who I maintain is not a bad guy. We were very good for each other for many years, and then...well...not so much any more. I bear him no particular ill-will, and I do hope he finds whatever he's looking for eventually. Still, we're a lot better apart. Well, I'm a lot better. He's...y'know, he's not my problem anymore, so let's leave it at that.)

Also, if there was ever a doubt in my mind that I have truly astonishing friends and fans and readers and everything else...well, no more. And the number of you who have commented on how much better I'm doing these days...you're absolutely right, and while I didn't quite doubt that things would get better--Grandma's "This, too, shall pass," rang in my head quite a lot--it's damn good to be here now that they have gotten better.

So thank you all for bearing with me, lo these many moons--you guys rock on toast, and I'm very grateful to have spent another year in your company!

Also, I woke up this morning because a very sexy man was kissing me on the cheek and saying "Happy birthday," before he headed off to work. And then I slept in for a couple more hours, with a snoring beagle wedged against my shins. There may be a better way to wake up on your birthday, but I don't know it offhand.


*Digger might approve, although she'd roll her eyes over anything smacking of astrology.