October 15th, 2013

breeden

Paranoia

There’s a small painful lump in my left armpit and I THINK it’s a clogged pore because I don’t think you get cancer overnight but maybe it’s been there forever and it just started hurting today except it hurts exactly like a zit but maybe that’s what cancer hurts like I don’t know so I am alternating between trying to pop it and telling myself it is totally not cancer except that what if it IS cancer and I’m trying to pop it and that can’t possibly be a good idea and when I asked my nurse practitioner about that a few years ago she said that knowing me, I would try to pop it but she didn’t actually say if that would make the cancer worse, like it would make it angry and it would start punching me in the vital organs and I’m pretty sure it’s a clogged pore and oh god what if this is how I’m going to die and all the chickens of absurd good fortune I enjoy have finally come home to roost and I can’t go to the doctor right away because if they try to do a biopsy and it’s just a zit I’ll be in excruciating pain just so the techs can laugh at me.

You know, I bet that happens all the time.

I think it’s just a clogged pore.

Originally published at Tea with the Squash God. You can comment here or there.