March 4th, 2015


Brief Observations on Playing Dragon Age: Inquisition

My buddy Mur has been telling me I have to play this, so I finally picked it up a couple weeks ago and am now about sixty hours in. Which may be halfway. Or not. I don't know anymore.

A few brief thoughts, some of which have made it to Twitter, but most of which were too long.

Build: female Qunari two-handed warrior, Reaver specialization


It is never a good sign when your hand does glowy magic stuff independent of you.

The fact that I cannot romance Varric is a great injustice.

My quartermaster supported WHO in DA: Origins?! Can I fire her? Because I was at Ostragar, and it was not like that!

I approve of the fact that people keep saying "In light of that fact that there's a hole in the sky with demons falling out it, maybe we could stop being stupid for a bit?" I do not approve of the fact that no one listens.

When someone asks if you're a God Herald, you say yes.

Iron Bull has joined the party. Well. Hello.

If the Templars are going to be snotty, then they can just enjoy being ass-deep in demons from the giant hole in the sky.

I do not approve of punching priests. That was rude.

I don't trust the mayor.

OF COURSE IT'S A TRAP. They practically had a sign out saying "Hi, we're from Tevinter and this is a trap!" There were flyers saying that cookies would be served after the trap! Stop worrying about whether it's a trap! Did you not notice the bit with my amazing glowy hand?!

Time travel. It had to be time travel, didn't it?

There is almost no scenario where people with giant red crystals growing out of them can be considered positive.

Varric, no! Iron Bull, no! Leliana...holy crap!

Red Lyrium--not even once, kids.

Man. I liked Alistair a lot better before he was king.

Do we have to go after the Grey Wardens? The Grey Wardens have issues.

I could save more of the staff if the buttons worked! Noooooo! Not the potions guy!

This entire sequence is glee, crushing despair, avalanches, glee, dragons, and more crushing despair.

Somebody's having a bad head day.

Well, my town was destroyed, my staff is mostly dead and I'm trapped in the snow, but hey, my amazing glowy hand still works!

Please don't sing. Oh lord, they're going to sing.

My new fortress is falling apart around me. Also, someone seems to be throwing goats at it.

Can we get some love for the Inquisitor? I have needs, you know. And I'm not using my glowy hand for that. That seems fraught with peril.

Not you, Blackwell.

This is a triple-A game with a canonically trans character, and that's pretty freakin' awesome.

Speaking as the creator of Shadowchild, non-human innocent scary creatures are HARD to do sympathetically, and I applaud them for Cole, although I wish he was a little funnier.

Grey Wardens make everything worse, and I say this having been one in the previous game.

Shut up, Blackwall, no one cares what you think.

Scout Harding is the only competent person in the Inquisition, and I include myself in that.

*does lengthy court sequence* *saves every thirty seconds* *twitches a lot*

The Grey Wardens are doing WHAT? Oh. Of course they are. Because that's horrible.

(And the observation that made Twitter blow up for some reason goes to...)
I'm going to be absolutist about this, and it may make some people angry. It is NEVER OKAY to kill your friends and raise demons with their blood. Anyone who suggests this is bad. That is all.

And here we are in the Fade. Do I get to turn into a mouse this time?

Okay, fighting the various spider-monsters named after fears was sort of weird and creepy when I was killing Poverty, Senility, Fire, and Drowning, but when "Ironically, Spiders" showed up, I had to pause the game for a few minutes to howl. Good job, Bioware.

Yes, Iron Bull, this is indeed shitty.

So that's a graveyard with headstones for all my companions and their deepest fears. Yeah, nothing creepy about that at all.

I have to pick who...harsh.

A good fifty hours of trying to trigger the Iron Bull romance options, while fending off Emo Warden Boy, and all I had to do was take him into demon realm and then hit him in the face with a stick? Qunari have weird ideas of foreplay.

...and the game just explained to me about safewords. That was...unexpected.

Shut up, Blackwall, I still don't care what you think.

This is a long-ass game. Tune in next time!