May 29th, 2015

breeden

Peak Metal

Saw Mad Max: Fury Road.

We have attained Peak Metal. There is no more metal left in the universe. Nordic death metal bands are feeling a strange urge to go home and write folk music for acoustic guitar. Stops were pulled out, and then new stops invented for the express purpose of pulling.

Also, I think the character designers may have eaten Brom's brain. Someone should probably check on him.

There reached a point--I think somewhere around the bikers throwing grenades (and if that is a spoiler then seriously, do you not know what this movie is about?!)--that Kevin and I began laughing helplessly and this continued with occasional punctuation throughout the rest of the film, which is basically a two and a half hour car chase with brief pauses to go "Hey! Character designs? Did you see them? No, look again, they're pretty bad-ass. And now, we're gonna blow up this thing over here!"

It surprised me in a couple of places. This already puts it ahead of Age of Ultron.

I do not know if this movie would work without the background of the other Mad Max movies behind it. But as they ran all the trailers before it--Terminator Fifty-Bizillion and Jurassic World--which are trying desperately to go back to other movies that were good and I sat there being deeply unimpressed*--and then THIS and it was like "Goddamn, this is a genuine Mad Max movie only with a budget to back it up!"** and that may be where so many desperate modern attempts to recreate movies are failing because you cannot go home again, so we will just do a movie with a plot that is basically the last half of Watership Down only with metal instead of rabbits and Charlize Theron is Bigwig and okay maybe it wasn't actually that close to the plot but goddamn, that would be an amazing movie, someone go film that right now.

In conclusion, in lieu of a rating, I am just going to throw the goat a few times. That is all.

*I want to care about Jurassic World, really I do, but I kinda don't. Kevin is all "It's Starlord with a pack of raptors!" and I'm like "Starlord kinda seemed like a douche. I was watching for the Destroyer and Groot." And the dinosaurs are the wrong scale and "Oooh, we made an EVEN BIGGER T-REX!" and I'm going "Why would you bother? It's not like you can make the camera any bigger. Once you've filled the whole camera, there is a point of diminishing returns." I mean, the raptors did look cool. Everybody loves a raptor. Even if they should be feathered like turkeys.

**And without the bits that were so obviously Eighties.