November 8th, 2015

breeden

Scheduling

The most weird/annoying thing about preparing to go back on an SSRI is that since I KNOW that I'm gonna go down for a week, I'm basically having to plan for being an invalid. So I'm stocking up favorite, easily digested food and Hidden Object games and trying to clear out my email.

Which is good! I have warning! I can do all these things, and the anti-anxiety meds made it possible, but still...it's like knowing I'm going to have the flu in advance. I feel weird planning it.

Obviously, given the choice between hitting the end of one's chain and stopping and going "Okay, need some meds, clearly this is Not Working," and hitting the end, tearing the anchor out of the wall, and sprinting over a cliff with chain clacking madly behind one, one would prefer to stop.

But as this is only my second experience, and I am (hopefully) standing well back from the cliff, I have no idea how much of my reaction to the first round was the depression and how much is just "Hi! You're rewiring your brain chemistry, Brain will be unavailable during this time."

Fortunately--thank you, past Me! You're the best!--I took EXCELLENT notes last time I did this. Day by day blog, no less. (Past Me, I owe you Red Vines.) If I follow the same pattern as last time, it'll take about a week for the side-effects to pass off, and three weeks before it takes solid hold and I stop needing the occasional anti-anxiety med to tide me over.

So, planning for the worst--essentially a week out of commission, starting as soon as I finish the last hamster drawing--and hoping it's not quite as bad as it was. Fortunately I have Kevin around (I had Deb the first time, who was marvelous, but it's still easier with a spouse.)

Also, because I have to finish this deadline first, I am in the uniquely bizarre situation of having to think of my return to rationality in terms of "Ten hamsters until sanity...nine hamsters until sanity..." Which is a sort of interesting mental framing to be using.