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I was awakened this morning by the cat.

This is not all that unusual. If she decides I've been in bed too long, she will mowl at me, or play swat-the-toes, my least favorite game.* Generally, James gets up and starts making breakfast, I hit the snooze button a few times, and then more or less simultaneously, he'll run the coffee grinder, the alarm will go off, and Athena will mowl at me, and I find myself in the bathroom without a clear memory of how I got there.

This morning, as I was drifting in the happy hinterland between sleep and wakefulness, maybe five or ten minutes left on the snooze, Athena mowled a few times. I ignored her. In the depths of my brain, still mulling over the dream I wasn't quite having any more, the words "...stupid cat..." drifted. She mowled again. I continued to ignore her. Outraged, she pounced on my foot, in a full body-slam, all four feet, all four sets of claws out, and when I sat up with a yell, bounced away, stiff-legged, on the bed, chirping at me like some kind of demented mammalian songbird.

Grumbling, I got up, thinking that perhaps she was out of food. She ran with me to the bathroom, to her food dish, which was full, and began eating. I had been rudely catapulted into consciousness merely so that I could provide an audience while the cat dined.

I told her what an awful cat she was, but she chose to be selectively deaf, and I started the day, once again secure in the knowledge that I am the cat's bitch.

*Attempts to break her of this habit by liberal use of the squirtgun were briefly successful, but unfortunately now simply mean that it's a more challenging game of swat-the-toes-until-human-gropes-for-water-gun-then-run-like-hell.

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Yeah, we were warned while squirt-training our cat not to climb on the counters that if she saw us coming for her with the squirt bottle, she'd figure out just to not climb on the counters while we were around... This led to quite a lot of sneaking up on her and attempting to get her from as far away as possible while appearing to be doing something else entirely. Much espionage ensued, and she eventually got the idea.

...we think.

The solution we found to this problem is the wholesale banning of felines from the bedrooms. Actually, this started due to one of us being allergic and not wanting to sleep on fur strewn beds but it works a treat for avoiding the early morning toe catching or the oh so affectionate middle of the night claw kneading. Of course, if we ever accidentally leave the door open they're in there like a shot, desperate to investigate 'the mysterious place forbidden to small furry mammals'. Also, occasionally I'm woken up by a cat outside the door requesting loudly that I damn well get up and provide breakfast RIGHT NOW!

One of these days, introduce her to the shower.


Try that with Bengals; they like water. Several of those that live here went through a sit-under-the-tap-and-complain-until-it's-turned-on phase - on being indulged, they would thwip at the falling water for... well... mostly until we finally turned the water off.

Maine Coon's aren't averse either. It's not as though they actually get wet, they just collect ammunition in the outer layers of their coat for subsequent application to their humans.

chirping at me like some kind of demented mammalian songbird.

I have a chirper. Mostly she does that chirping thing combined with these weird clicking sounds while watching the birds in the yard outside. She gets really offended when I laugh at the noises she makes too.

*nod* My cat does that too, but at insects rather than birds.

Not a good sign. My sister's oldest cat many years ago started doing this weird little 'song and dance' routine on the landing leading downstairs (he was forbidden to lay a paw on the upper floor, but that was eventually stretched into nothingness). We followed him, thinking something was wrong.. he led us to his food dish and ate purring like mad because he had an audience.

Now he wants to be petted while he eats. And... we comply.

I know your pain.

Proving, once more, that there is a market for small, cat-squirting robots...

My fiancee's cat has similar behaviors. This morning he got her to get up and feed them a half hour early. She managed to do this and get back into bed without disturbing me enough to remember it now. Nonetheless, around 7, when the alarm begins to go off and I start leaping up half-conscious, slapping the snooze, and collapsing back into bed to doze for additional 9 minute intervals (which she apparently was totally unaware of this morning for a full half hour) her cat began the process of finding things to do that drive mommy insane so she will get up. Traditionally, this involves things like clawing the carpet or corner of the bed and finding plastic bags to noisily chew upon. However, this morning it involved sitting on the corner of the bed above her head and pawing at things on her nighttable noisily. Since they were already fed, and had plenty of water, we concluded that he just didn't want us sleeping anymore. Either that, or, it occurs to me, he wanted us to get up so the alarm would stop blaring every 9 minutes and disturbing him.

MY cat is much more good-natured when she decides to wake someone. She will walk across your prone body and begin purring as she settles beside your head, perhaps trilling to try to get your attention. If she's feeling especially impatient, she'll sit in such a way that as her tail flicks, it swats you on the side of the head. Amusingly, these behaviors seem to bother my fiancee more than her own cat's methods, while the inverse is true for me.

My oldest can would play the mini-blinds like a gong. I"d be laying in bed at three in the morning and I'd hear. *sound of running feet* *jump..plop* *jump..plop* *WHACK* *sound of running feet*


And then, when I'd yell at him, he'd jump up on my bed and stick his head under my hand to pet him. He was possessed as a kitten, I swear.

My cat doesn't do this. This might be preferable.

My cat has decided that right about when the snooze alarm pattern begins? That's the point when she wants to go to bed.

Under the covers.

With me.

She has me trained to hold the covers up for her, and she crawls around my feet and goes to sleep.

And then I try to get up, and she wraps all four limbs around me, lets the claws out, opens her mouth, and *rests her fangs* on my foot just below my big toe.

"You can get up if you like," she says, in a nonverbal way, "but this warm foot is staying right here. You have no options whatsoever."

Doncha just love cats? The way they communicate their needs is usually so interesting, and often pretty funny as well.

Ok, so there is more than one cat out there that demands that people watch while they eat.

"She ran with me to the bathroom, to her food dish, which was full, and began eating."

Ah-hahahahh, my cat does this too. WHINE WHINE BEG BEG, I'M STARVING, oh wait. Here is food, *GOMF*

My cat will meow at me for hours(or he did before I moved), just to get me to watch him eat from a bowl two feet from my bed


Translated: "Rise, courtier! I require your presence to entertain me while I consume my daily morning repast. A queen cannot be a queen without a court to reign over."

Mumbling, I got up, thinking that perhaps she was out of food. She ran with me to the bathroom, to her food dish, which was full, and began eating. I had been rudely catapulted into consciousness merely so that I could provide an audience while the cat dined.

The sad thing is...my cat does the same stupid thing.

Our cat will rouse my husband and I out of bed at seperate times in order to trick both of us into feeding her so she gets double food rations every morning.

She's pigly.

Grumbling, I got up, thinking that perhaps she was out of food. She ran with me to the bathroom, to her food dish, which was full, and began eating. I had been rudely catapulted into consciousness merely so that I could provide an audience while the cat dined.

Our kitty thinks this is the absolute norm. She is almost NEVER out of food when she sits and maows (not meow, maow). So after a few minutes of trying to outwait her craving, I finally sigh, get up and say, "okay, show me" and she darts for the kitchen where she happily snarfs for a half a minute, then gets up and rubs against my legs before settling down to snarf again.

Often, when I wander off, bored, she will come back to mrrrowwwr!* at me so I will be her audience again.

* "Eeexcuse me! I'm not done yet, the tour is back this way, follow me!"

My only response to such rude behavior is for me to throw a shoe at the offender.

Needless to say, my cats are fairly well trained now. Though I do have to hunt my shoes down every so often...

Swat the toes is less effective for our cats, as the indoor ones are declawed. (Before anyone jumps on us for being so cruel and horrible, we found a small-animal vet who uses the new laser method and not the outdated bonecutting method that damages the feet, and there's a greater chance of my sibling getting tossed out into the yard to fend for herself than of us abandoning our babies.)

We also have.. one howler, two trillers, one mewer, and three squeekers. Anyone know where you can buy decent meows for cats?

I have one chirper and one squeaker.

Decent Meow Shops are needed.

new laser method? I am intrigued! I have three darlings (one maower, one triller, and one chirper. It's like a barbershop trio) and quite a few pieces of furniture no amount of training has spared from the claws of doom. *goes to google it*

I'm fairly sure that's what our vet used. No stitches, the feet are no different visably, they don't feel any different (other than the lack of claws. We have friendly cats that like their toes tickled) they still sharpen their toes on the furnature and all my sketchbooks. So I wouldn't say we've done anything cruel to them.

My suggestion would be to do a TON of research on the vet, find people who've had their cats declawed by the vet and ask them how it went. Try to find a vet that only works with pet animals because it's been personal experiance that they they understand pets better. (Perfect example, I had a pet rabbit when I was little, it got sick. We called the regular vet "Oh, a rabbit? Well.. they get sick sometimes, not really anything you can do about it." Then called the vet that works specifically with pets and he was on the phone for 30 minutes discussing possible diseases and treatments and scheduling an appointment as soon as possible, so he could look her over. The rabbit got some meds and recovered just fine.)

So... it pays to shop around, when it comes to your pets.

I don't have cats in my room in the morning (That would mean unholy doom for the cats if I woke up to them doing anything of the sort that you guys have to go through), but one very persistent Golden Retriever.
In the morning when I'm woke up my dog will run out of the room, bound around in the hallway as I lay, still curled up in my blankets, comatose in bed trying to forget I have life, the run back into my room and relentlessly smoosh his cold wet nose on any bareskin. If you're anything like me, you'll agree that "cold" and "wet" are two things you dont even want to think about when lying in your warm bed, still gripping LaLa land...

But I would rather have the cold nose on the legs and back. One time I rolled over in bed, still half asleep, and was rewarded with a mouthful of cold wet nose...
A bit of advice for everyone: SLEEP WITH YOUR MOUTH SHUT!

Am I reminded of a rather amusing badge I saw...

"Dogs have owners. Cats have staff"

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