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breeden
ursulav

Rabbit Hole

I woke up this morning to the wonderfully squishy feeling of stepping in something.

There's a minute when this happens where you stare straight ahead, eyes fixed on the middle distance, and know that in a second, you're going to have to look down. Until you look down, it could be anything. Cat puke, cat poo, disembowled small mammal--the options are many. It's like Schrodinger's Cat Leavings. Until you actually, with infinite dread, lift your foot and turn on the light and gaze upon whatever is wedged between your toes, it could be anything. Quantum theory* would probably indicate that until you do so, it's actually EVERYTHING, as God plays something much more disgusting than dice with the universe, and until the act of observation collapses reality back into a single state, you're actually standing in a disturbing organic gumbo which might include everything from bits of platypus to Nessie.

I finally looked down, and it was the back half of a moose.

This was almost a relief. We've had moose in the walls for days, and you would not believe the amounts of crap a bull moose can leave in the silverware drawer at night. Normally they stay outside, of course, but it's been cold enough lately that they're coming in for anything they can find, and if you accidentally leave a cookie on the counter, or a 50lb bag of oats on coffee table, you'll get up in the morning to find nibble marks and occasionally hoofprints around it. And sometimes at night you can hear them in the walls. The clip-clop of little moosey hooves is bad enough, but you get a couple of 'em bugling, and you might as well go stay at a motel.

We tried traps. But the cat is too stupid for standard moosetraps--I'm afraid she'd get caught--and the glue traps were just tragic. There's nothing like pulling out the fridge and seeing a dejected ton of moose huddled in the corner, looking at you with enormous brown eyes, each hoof glued solidly down to the floor. You peel the poor thing off and everybody cries and...well, it's too hard on the emotional state. Which leaves the live traps, and now, evidentally, the cat.

"Good cat!" I told her, tipping the moose butt into the trash. "What a good little hunter you are!"

The cat, presumably still digesting the front half of the moose, laid on her back and made a noise vaugely like "Mehhhhrrf...."

She's a good cat. Not a smart cat, but it's not every nine pound Siamese that can take down an adult moose, when you think about it.


*Which I don't understand, which is why I'm mangling it. I'm an artist, Jim, not a quantum theoretician.

(For those wondering what friggin' planet I'm on, an explanation of the Rabbit Hole thing is at http://www.livejournal.com/users/crisper/26562.html )

Wonderful entry!
Makes me think of the joke about the Scotsman visiting Canada.

Now THAT is a worthwhile journal entry. *yoinks the idea* =] Thanks for sharing!

This is the best social meme to come around. <3

Number two on my best of the rabbit hole list.

http://gfishbone.com/weblog/archives/2005/01/rabbit_hole_05.html

LOL. You got me. I was sitting here thinking "oh, that's cute. She calls them moose." And then I got to moosey hooves, and had to go back.
The thing is, I knew about the rabbit hole thing; I've just grown used to a touch of surreality in your posts, and I was still trying to figure out what sort of insane southern moose, a zoo escapee perhaps, had managed to infest your domicile.

*laugh* That was the problem, actually--I had to think of something sufficiently odd that people wouldn't just chalk it up to my inherent lunacy!

Bwahaha, that's the best thing I've read all morning! Hm, I may hafta write something for Rabbit Hole Day.

Ahhh, thanks for the delightful reminder! Definitely one of the better memes to come around... and naturally I had to add to it.

You know, I started out reading this entry with sympathy and comiseration...

...and then I get to the second paragraph and I'm like, "What the--" õ_o ?!


Moose, indeed!

*nodnodnodnod*s through the tears of laughter.

Cougars. Best thing for moose in the walls.

You know, I tried that for mine, but it didn't really work out. It was really noisy for a while. Later we found out afterwards that too much of the house's structure had been damaged by all the animals leaping around, kicking and clawing. We had to move out. :(

Awesome entry, especially the part about "Schrodinger's Cat Leavings".. I'm glad you are on my friends of friends page. ^_^

Sorry, I thought the point of RHD was to post an entry that's weirder than usual? ;D

Agreed. Ursula needs to veer off into really odd directions for us to notice it's not her daily life.

Oh, what a GOOD kitty!

I have some chipmunks in my neighborhood that take care of those sorts of problems. I haven't yet bothered to identify the carcass I found out back this morning, but come to think of it, it *could* have been a moose. It was certainly big enough.

Now I know why there's no moose tiptoeing through my tulips -- it's those cheeky chipmunks. No more bird seed for them!

That second paragraph is beautiful.

Oh, and I liked your entry so much, I linked to it from my journal. I hope you don't mind - if you do mind, let me know, and I'll take down the link. But that bit about Shrodinger's Cat Leavings . . . and how sticky traps are horrible . . . hilarious! :D

Not at all! Glad you liked it!