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ursulav

Lessons Learned

Painting a room is a weekend project. If the room has a great many cupboards that require primer, it may be a weekend and a half project.

Painting two rooms is a two weekend project. At least.

Shopping for stuff for a new house and moving small stuff over and fixing the leaky faucet and installing new deadbolts and hanging blinds and putting in the new fume hood and all the little fiddly stuff required for habitation is a weekend project.

Having Friday off does not constitute an additional effective weekend unit (WU) It is not even a half WU, as one might expect. For some reason bearing no resemblance to the laws of time and space, it is at best a quarter WU.*

On the regrettable chance that you are working on the weekend of Daylight Savings Time adjustment in spring, the loss of one hour, which should logically constitute a forty-eighth of a WU, instead manages to eat at least a tenth of a WU. The hour lost to Daylight Savings time, therefore, is worth almost half a Friday. Go figure.

Attempting to paint two rooms, one of which had the aforementioned cupboards, as well as moving stuff over and getting the house ready for habitation, cannot be accomplished in 1.15 WUs. The labor that one might think one could share between projects in fact multiplies exponentially.

Attempting to cram this labor into 1.15 WUs anyway will result in suffering beyond the ken of mortal man, best expressed by the poet James, who layeth upon his back like one dead, and spake thus, saying "I'm gonna sleep like a pile of shit tonight...and I think somebody just stepped in me."

So there's primed cupboards, and a primed (hopefully) family room. The paint gods willing, (these are different paint gods than the usual, requiring the sweat of one's brow as sacrifice, instead of my usual deities, like Our Lady of Photoshop, who prefer mental anguish and small drawings of squid.) the family room will get done before we move the big stuff next weekend, as attempting to paint around the furniture is not to be considered.

My thighs, from hours crouching on counters taping off the ceiling and the cupboard edges, feel like somebody has carefully seperated out each major muscle group, wrapped it neatly in barbed wire, and snapped it back into place with a rubbery "SNOCK!--pbbm...pbbmmm...pbmmmmmm...." sound.

But I shall overcome! The paint has not yet been mixed that will defeat me!**



*Look for my Theory of Special Weekend Relativity coming soon to a science journal near you!

**Okay, okay, the LATEX based paint has not been mixed. With oils, all bets are off.


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*looks at your numbers*

Did you have Enron help you out with these calculations?

Attempting to cram this labor into 1.15 WUs anyway will result in suffering beyond the ken of mortal man, best expressed by the poet James, who layeth upon his back like one dead, and spake thus, saying "I'm gonna sleep like a pile of shit tonight...and I think somebody just stepped in me."

I, for one, wish to see a Print Version of the Book of the Poet James. *cackles gleefully*

"All the little fiddly stuff" only appears to be done after a weekend. It is, in reality, a project that will take every other weekend for the rest of your life.

Also beware the neverending paint->carpet->furniture->window treatments cycle. Its order may vary, but when you get done with one of them, its fresh newness inevitably makes another piece of the picture look like tired old crap, and if you're going to have the furniture all out anyway, might as well check on those carpet prices, and then it's all downhill from there. Also a neverending project, no matter how good your intentions at the outset.

Re: The corollary in extremis

paint>carpet>furnishings>window-treatments makes up your cycle? You've gotten off lightly. No-where in that list do you include taking the roof off! Or knocking down walls! Not to mention completely rewiring and replumbing.

Of course, my family has a genetic remodeling disorder. When I moved into the dorms my frosh year at university my first thought was to call for a saws-all, because the room was dismal but might be helped by a large bay window...

You're not REALLY worn out yet, you're still typing coherent sentences. When we start seeing streams of random characters interspersed with owowowowow! we'll know that you're been working hard. :)

sweetie...didn't you and james pick up a black and decker power roller (the shoulder-strapped) container one from home depot when you went there?

"SNOCK!--pbbm...pbbmmm...pbmmmmmm...."

Why do I get the feeling that at some point you've snapped a rubberband like this just so you could capture the sound in onomotopaeia?

Let's just hope it *was* a rubber band.

Sounds more like calamare to me...

How many murals are you doing?

Hundreds. All in white. On white.

Polarbears in the snow!

There's a fun idea. At random intervals in the wall, paint a little set of eyes and a nose.

Well, it amused me, at least.

You need minions. Of course, if you get painting minions (aka friends), then you are obliged to be their minion when needed.

My hubby & I are in the process of looking for a home of our own. We've been dutifully being minions to various friends most of this year. Therefore, we should have plenty of minions around to help us when we need it!

A good gang of minions can paint four rooms in three evenings. Although one of those rooms was the bathroom, so it wasn't very big. However, it wound up taking more coats of paint since the original idea didn't turn out as well as we would have liked and nobody wanted to leave the bathroom looking like an abattoir.

So many idea look good on the paint swatch and revolting on the wall. My one apartment, we painted the office a shade of red usually not seen outside of the human body. We ended up calling it the "murder room" and eventually forgot about getting around to changing it. Everyone who came over flinched when they came 'round the corner and saw it.

- Karla

Having Friday off does not constitute an additional effective weekend unit (WU)

An open Friday is best used as a preparation day, wherein you lay out your plans for the rest of the weekend, and prepare a budget. Maybe do a bit of shopping for supplies (if the stores are open that late). Your mind and body are generally still in work-at-the-job mode even as you try to relax, and so planning and budgeting are good things to do with that state of being.

The hour lost to Daylight Savings time, therefore, is worth almost half a Friday. Go figure.

The time change causes the same effects as jet lag. That half-Friday is spent recovering one's mental balance and adjusting to the shift in your daily cycle.

Attempting to cram this labor into 1.15 WUs anyway will result in suffering beyond the ken of mortal man

Well, of course. It's two rooms, and thus two weekends, plus the cabinetry for an extra day or so. Remember your labor math, with the one man painting a room in sixteen hours, but two men painting the same room in ten? Or 1.5 chickens laying 1.5 eggs in 1.5 days (so how many eggs can nine chickens lay in nine days)?

I always hated labor math. I never could remember how to set up the proper equations for it; nor ever figure out why they worked that way, even with the explanations in the book.

Labor math is like craft math.

i.e. I have 3 days to finish this granny-square afghan for the upcoming birthday/reunion/wedding/baby, etc. Each square takes 30 minutes, and I need 700 squares = 21,000 hours (875 days). If I cut out all sleeping and eating, I can totally finish this afghan in 2 days, and have one day of rest. Done.

The reality: by the third day you are reduced to a quaking mass of flesh and yarn and tears....


ursulav:
Did you know that you're one of the top 100 most popular users on Livejournal? According to this site, at least. You're up there with yukipon (best Harry Potter porn artist this side of the rooster's egg) and sarahtales (a funny and friendly british irish lady living in NY), copperbadge (whom I've heard writes excellent Discworld fics but I try to stay away from that thing myself), and buttfacemakani, who just has an extremely amusing username, at least if you're immature and giggly like me.
You should totally be proud.

I've been painting our house for .. uhm.. a couple of months now. Granted, there was a mural, which took nearly a month of weekend units to complete, as I was a trifle overambitious.

And then there were marital issues over the color I chose for the dining room. To the point that I painted a swath and left it up for nearly 60 days before he finally said "hmm. it's really not that bright a yellow, is it?"

There are still 2.6 rooms to finish, and then there's the trim. And the decorative elements. And then we tackle the garage.

It's a bloody marvelous thing we've got 30 years in our new homes to get them just perfect, eh...?

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