UrsulaV (ursulav) wrote,
UrsulaV
ursulav

Well. Here we are.

Today is the first day of the rest of...

Nah, I'm not so far gone that that'll help.

Today is...awkward. And uncomfortable, and I am bloody terrified, as one might expect. But I am not here to whine--already got one heckuva outpouring of support from you guys, and I appreciate it greatly. Time to get movin'  forward.

Since I am moping a bit, however, I hereby vow to contain all such maunderings behind Ye Olde Cut Tag, so that those of you who have come to expect a certain level of upbeat wackiness not be dragged along. Believe me, I hate moping, too, and I'm hoping to inflict as little of it as possible 'pon the world!

I've gotten some very good advice from...well, everybody, really! But I think the best bit came from my stepfather, who said, with his usual succinctness, "Stay busy."

Ties in with something I've seen myself write any number of times--the great cure for all grief is hard work.

Of course...it's probably weird or self-referential to take comfort from one's own writing--particularly one's early writing!--but I keep thinking about Black Dogs and a scene where Lyra is stuck in a ventilation duct and thinks something to the effect that "Well, this is always what it comes down to in the end, being alone with yourself in the dark." She's young and in love, the way I was when I wrote it, but even then, I knew enough to write that. Which probably says something cynical about me, or not.

Now I just gotta figure out what to do from here.

This weekend we'll go over the finances and see what there is to see. And presumably I'll know a little better then what I can afford, and whether I'll be beating the bushes for roommates and rooms to let, or whether I can go for an apartment on my own. Even a studio apartment would be good, particularly if I can keep Ben.

I'm probably gonna get a part time job, as much to get out of the house and provide me with some sense of schedule as for the money. Even a day or two a week at the art supply store would be good, and shouldn't cut into the serious art time much.

The "striking out on my own!" print series is an interesting idea, although I don't have an image yet. But we'll see.

The practical and financial stuff scares me. I mean, I know I should manage--I supported two people by working temp jobs in a little rat-hole apartment in St. Paul for over a year, I kept us afloat freelancing for months when James's company tanked. If I can support two people and two cats, I can surely support one and one cat! I just have that stone-in-the-chest terror of being broke that many of us probably know.

But I've updated the webpage with a few new originals, and I'm gonna try to do some inexpensive pencil pieces and just keep plugging along. And if worse comes to worse, I'll throw open the commissions again.

And so...life goes on.

Stayin' busy.
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