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When The Emotional Ragweed Blooms

Yesterday was pretty rough.

The worst part about emotional crap is that you can't just get it over with. It just clings. I tear up at the drop of a hat. (Major PMS doesn't help, mind you.) This is annoying and increasingly inconvenient, since I have errands to run and whatnot.

After awhile, you start to feel about your emotions like you do about your allergies--"Oh, lord, here we go again. Great. Oh, sweet jesus, this sucks. Argh, my sinuses! Arggh, my itchy swollen eyelids. Oh, man, do I need a Kleenex...." Come to think of it, that's not a bad analogy--most of the time it's a low level snorfle, but every now and then you have a serious attack and you're laid up on the couch half the day, snivelling, and would just as soon not see another human being until the worst of it has passed.

Pity the equivalent of emotional Benadryl isn't available over the counter.

James is suggesting I see a therapist, which probably isn't a bad idea, but at the same time--it's plain 'ol grief with an extra helping of stress. People go through it. It's pretty normal--if anything, it'd be weird if I wasn't going through it. You don't drop-kick thirteen years with somebody overnight. I don't think I'm really depressed, per se--miserable, sure, absolutely, but not depressed. I'm still making art and getting out of bed. I can still appreciate that, for example, the house finches have discovered my birdfeeder and the female is munching on seeds while the red-headed male eyes me warily through the glass. I don't have the kind of all-over brain-chemistry malaise I'd associate with depression. I'm just gonna be fairly well wrecked for a bit, until the emotional ragweed has finished blooming.

In a lot of ways, it'd be easier if I knew what to expect. If I knew we weren't getting back together, I could deal. It might be a somewhat dramatic dealing--"Screw it, I'm movin' back to Arizona!" "I wonder if I'd make a good nun..." "Maybe I WILL check out that Quaker commune  in Alaska Ellen told me about!" "Time for a full shoulder sleeve tattoo of Celtic knotwork wombats!" but I'd cope. The women of my family are champion copers. We have mad l33t c0p1ng skillz. And if I knew we were getting back together...well, this'd be a minor rough patch in the road. But uncertainty is the great killer.

I dunno.

Today we start couples therapy. I have no idea what to expect from that at all, but here's hoping.

Not Knowing is always the kicker.
Sending you Good Karma.
No matter which way it turns out.

I hope for the best for you.

Man, could I use some of that emotional Benadryl. Especially for times when I'm in a weepy mood, and I have class to go to, and don't want to end up crying in the middle of lecture... ugh.
Good luck with the couples therapy.

I second that! (Both the needing of the emotional Benadryl [I kind of think I'm emotionally allergic to life sometimes.] and the couples therapy.)

I went through the same thing when my best friend dropped me. I saw a psychologist who not only helped me discover that I'm not the worthless sack of feces I thought I was but also helped me discover the beauties of Pamprin. It works only for PMS, not for grief but it takes the edge off. A lot. Like "What's this butter-knife doing in a Masamune sheath?" kind of edge off.

Of course, it does have ibuprofen so don't be popping it like candy or you'll kill yer liver and kidneys.

I know this isn't the time or place for this sort of thing but, every time I see that icon, I crack up.


I wish you the Best of Luck. I hope the emotional ragweed quites pollinating soon.

best of luck with the therapy. and *hugs* - uncertainty sucks monkeys.

Like all great metaphors, this one is *completely obvious* once someone actually says it. Thank you.

(I usually Apply Certainty to an Uncertain Situation by picking a date to reevaluate things. Whatever's likely to happen now or then, you can probably pick a date where you're reasonably certain nothing will be resolved, but you'll have more information. 3 or 6 months or something. If you will Decide Nothing For Three Months, you now have some measure of certainty for the next three months. Dunno if it'll help you, but it sure helps me.)

That's not actually a bad notion at all. I'll have to think about that...

best of luck to you both: the fact that you are both willing to go to couples therapy is a better sign that you realise.

Certainly the Uncertainty is A Great Killer.

But I think you are doing great, all in all.

And may I recommend Imago Relationship Therapy?

Good luck with the therapy, I'll keep my fingers crossed that you'll gets answers to your uncertainties soon.

The fact that therapy is being so openly discussed and persued is, in and of itself, a good sign.

There -is- certainty. You will -certainly- learn something from this experience which will serve you in some way throughout the rest of your life.

When I broke up with someone I -thought- I was going to marry (after five years of loving them like I love AIR) I was a wreck for about a full year. Some small sector of my brain was convince I'd be better off dead, while the rest was scoffing at it openly and going "Jeezie creezie, brain... you're annoying!"

The only thing that made me pull myself outta that hell was the realization that this would all be a very important lesson. I like knowledge. Knowledge is power, so losing a hunk of my heart gave me power I didn't have before. Somewhat of a fair trade, I guess.

Certainly helped for me to look at it that way... and whaddyaknow, I DID learn something.

if you aren't averse to it, you may want to ask the doc about depoprovera shots. i used to get nasty pms and 'go to the hospital for demoral shots' cramps and when i started taking the depo shots, not only did i not get the Visitor anymore, i didn't get mood swings, cramps, or the rest of all the unpleasantness.

and if you are averse to it, don't try to convince me to go off of it hehe. the pain was unbearable.

as for the heartache, i can't do anything except give very long distance cyber hugs and let you know you are in our thoughts. :(

Seasonale is supposed to give similar results to Depoprovera--without shots--but you have to take it everyday.

My GYN won't prescribe either for anyone who has ever had a major depression, though. Don't know that that applies to you, just a caveat.

Good luck with it all. I know I certainly wish for an emotional Benadryl, although I usually wish it was some sort of button so I could shut off part of my brain for a while that brings up the stupid emotions. Uncertainty is certainly one of the worst parts of it all.

I am at just the same point in the healing process. I SO want to be myself again and not feel this way. Thank you for articulating it so clearly.

I was about to write the same thing. So I'll keep it at: I Agree With That Comment.

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Heh heh heh...okay, I'll give you that one.