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This is nothing you want to subject yourself too, O Blog of My Confessions--but if you're female and feel the need to cringe in sympathy, continue on at will.

The rest of you, you were warned.

I have a yeast infection.

And a period.

And diarrhea.


I am considering amputating at the waist.

It's like three of the four horseman of a small and personalized apocalypse in my pants. And Lo! The angel broke the third seal, and I beheld a rider on a red horse, and he spoke in a voice like cramping, saying "There shall be no pads in the house, nor shall there be any tampons, nor Motrin, even unto the end of the world." And the scarlet rider took his place beside his fellows, the brown rider and the  itchy and inflamed rider, and there was much wailing and gnashing of teeth among the peoples of the world.*

I can only hope and pray that the fourth horseman--Bladder Infection, who presumably rides a dark ochre horse and is not invited to many parties--does not get the memo and come cantering up. That would probably lead to suicide. I am a strong person, I can survive many traumas, but some things are beyond human endurance.

Thank you. I just had to complain about that for a bit.

*Or at least one of 'em.

Oh, honey! Deepest sympathy and best wishes for your rapid recovery.

Thank goodness you have a sense of humor.

oh baby.... god... i am so so so sorry. yes. your body is going to hell in a handbasket.

I am so sorry.

But we cannot stop laughing.

You may have broken us.

Whoa. Broke the italics, anyway.

Good luck in the acquisition of Effective Drugs. Worst case, a hot bath solves all ills.

Shit, I think I just peed myself. Thanks Ursula!

At least she didn't. That would make it a full set.

It's a rare person who can make these things funny.

At least, to other people.

Your horsemen remind me of the ones who appear in Gaiman and Pratchett's "Good Omens." But from the female perspective. Personally, I think Yeast Infections is WAY more terrifying than Smelling Like Fish or Things Not Working Even After You've Given Them a Good Whacking.

Yes. Agreed to all of it. Especially the Good Omens part. She's even got a footnote!

i have the deepest admiration for your art, but on this topic, i can live without the painting.

many sympathies, yogurt, water, hot baths, painkiller and a random sacrificial animal* in your direction.

*i don't even want to contemplate what animal would be appropriate here.

Ooh, fun!

I had something almost as bad once: a period and a horrible flu in which I invented the verb "to skrewt."

Defined delicately, it means you need the commode and the bucket at the same time. Both ends were exploding. I have no idea what I did to displease the gods THAT week ...

Haha, I'm getting a terrible Harry Potter visual. (I do believe it brings new meaning to the term Blast-Ended Skrewt... what is wrong with my brain...)

Poor you; I can't even imagine. I am so sorry... and yet I can't stop laughing. A horrified, sympathetic, pained laugh.

Get some Motrin, then stay at home for a while. XP

Oh! I cringe! I cringe!
(And laugh, but cringe! Your prose is a beautiful thing, even if the state of your pants is not...)

I've done that. It SUCKS. Now just throw in a hemmarhoid.

Maybe that's the Fourth Horseman.

Though in a weird sort of way, having hemorrhoids and diarrhea can be a good thing. Compared with hemorrhoids and constipation, that is.

Wow. I've had any two of the given symptoms at a time, but not all three together. Poor you. Hope you're feeling better soon.

Love the icon. Which tract is it from?

Oog. Sympathies.
I'm pretty sure I've had two of the three at several points, and that was enough to test my endurance to not simply quit the world.

But my boyfriend and both cats are wondering why I'm laughing so hard this late at night.

If it helps at all, my period usually clears me of yeast infection...

Otherwise, I recommend shootin' a moon pill up yer cooz.

(I think they're called ovules, by Monistat.)

There was actually a whole theory put forward about how menstruation is in part an adaptation that allowed women to flush out bad bacteria. I'm not sure what the word is on fungus, but I wonder if there's something to that theory ...

You do realise the world deserves to have this metaquoted.

Not that I would ever risk your wrath by doing that. XD

(Seriously, though. You're like one of those Adult People whom I simultaneously admire and also look to make sure is not hiding under my bed.)

And now you've been quoted. That line about "one of those Adult People" is now in my .sig for my e-mail.