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He'll Be Defective Soon...

This morning as I went out to pick up yesterday's mail, I saw a squirrel plummet two stories from the roof of the building and land on the sidewalk about three feet away with a loud slap, like a dry towel smacking the pavement.

"Whoa!" I said to the stunned rodent. "You okay little guy?"

The squirrel shook himself off, gave me a scornful look, and ran somewhat unsteadily off across the lawn.

I looked up and saw a second squirrel on the roof, peering over, who turned and scurried off.

Being me, I immediately began constructing scenarios in my head--were they playing chicken? Had one squirrel pushed the other? Was the squirrel on the roof thinking some variation on "Oh god, oh god, what am I going to tell Mom, oh god..."

Given the capacity of wild animals to survive shocking injuries, I sort of wonder if the squirrel was really okay, or if one more Gimpy the Squirrel will appear in the next few weeks...

Do squirrels actually believe in God?

The Wise and Nutty Squirrel-God, yes.

Two squirrels conversation, recently decoded by naturalists:

"Whoa, dude... like... no wai!"
"Yeah, wai."
"Awesome road rash."
"Chick magnet, dude."

Re: Two squirrels conversation, recently decoded by naturalists:

"Dude, you owe me a cheekful of nuts."
"Gross man!"
"...wrong nuts."

Maybe it was a kamikaze squirrel with bad aim. It might have even been one of those ninjas that Ben is always on the look out for, attacking when your body guard isn't around. You should consider yourself lucky. ; )

It was a gang initiation.

Around here, we don't have buildings tall enough...so the gang initiations often involve dashing out in front of cars, and are judged by how close to the car (without getting injured) the initiate gets ... crouching between the wheels and letting the car pass over them is the ultimate performance.

Surprisingly, the smaller an animal is, the less injury it takes from falling. At some point, they actually take no serious injury from falls of any height. Squirrels are very close to this point.

Indeed. Squirrels are mostly fur by volume, and they like to live in trees. The first helps then survive long falls (air resistance), the second means they've had to evolve the ability to survive lots of falls, because the better a squiirel can survive falls, the more likely it is to beget baby squirrels.

Perhaps the squirrel had gotten his slant on? Perhaps.

For some reason, from the description, I am picturing more of a squirrel mafia thing going on, where the next time gimpy-to-be messes up, there might be four little concrete shoes involved.

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Squirrel most likely heard about "flying squirrels" and thought he'd give it a try, much like kids copying superman

I saw that happen with a baby squirrel; it was trying to make the same leap from tree to roof that its siblings and mother had, but failed. It fell three stories, its mother watching the whole time, got up and hid under some plastic sheeting. I tried to see if it was okay, but couldn't see it very well. Judging by the sheer number of squirrels I saw that year, though, it probably did just fine :-P

You might find this amusing. It's a bit of brain spew I had a while back about evil demonic squirrels.


if a plague of botflies appear.....

Small beasties can survive stunning drops.
Which I'm sure you're about to hear around 150 times from your Fan Legion.
What no one has ever done is left out tiny squirrel sized parachutes for squirrel BASE-jumpers.

Squirrel cops and robbers. You should have apprehended it!

[Brer] I was working in the backyard back on Cape Cod several years ago and saw one young-ish Gray Squirrel mis-judge a leap between limbs of a pitch pine tree. It fell a good 25-30 feet, bounced off the roof of the car, and landed inches away from my feet. It managed to stir itself to action pretty rapidly too, despite the circumstances, and scurry off into the holly tree.

Even funnier though I was walking the dogs last year and startled a squirrel who was coming out toward the curb behind a low brick wall along the front walk to a house. It saw us, panicked, turned and ran back up the walk, jumped up on the wall, and leapt... right INTO a cat sitting on the stairs of the house. It actually rebounded OFF the cat and up onto the higher wall along the front steps, then tore off up the side of the house and over the roof.

The cat was noticeably severely embarrassed by the entire incident. I can't speak for the squirrel, but I'm sure it won't classify as one of its better mornings.