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breeden
ursulav

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I was chatting with a friend of mine this evening about emotions, the horror, the woe, etc. She said something to the effect that she just wished it were over and done with and she was past it--sure, it takes time, but enough! We know we'll get there eventually, but we want the time to have passed so we can get on with things!

I sympathize with this wholeheartedly.

What I've been thinking of, rather often since the whole relationship mess went down, was when I used to play Shadowrun, and we'd pass time.  "Okay, nobody's doing anything? Alright, let's pass a month. Gunther's cyberware heals up, Bob's gun shipment comes in, the cops stop looking for Slaughterhouse, the decker gets a cryptic e-mail from your fixer, and Ursula, you re-achieve emotional stability and stop brooding over the end of your relationship."

That's what I need. I mean, I know I'll be okay--this too shall pass, as Grandma would say, and we never did figure out how many husbands she had. I come from a long line of champion coping skills, and someday I'll look back on this and...well, probably not laugh, but at least snort ironically. It's just the time getting from here to there is so exhausting. It hardly even feels like it's even me* being upset any more--it's more like I'm in here, surrounded by enormous black plastic garbage bags of generalized misery, and if I move the wrong way, I kick one and it starts to stink up the joint. And I know it takes time, and I'm really coping quite well, all things considered, I just wish the time was over and done with, as if somewhere, I could appeal to some cosmic GM and say "Uh, look, let me burn some karma points and we'll pass a couple of months, and I'll feel better, okay?"

I'm even willing to roll for inner peace! Hand me those dice and give me a target number! C'mon, sixes!

Alas, we don't get to do that out here in the real world, but damn, it'd be nice.



*I mean, it's all me, but there's me and there's the me that I think of as me. Um. Thing.


Been there, done that, got the divorce certificate to prove it.
Hang in there. It does work out...
But yea, it does take time.
Chew some Red Vines and relax.

Roll for inner peace? That officially needs an avatar-ing.

I wish it worked that way. But with my luck, I'd get all 1's and end up losing all my limbs in an explosion of anti-karma.

i'm in the market for a montage, frankly. a good, old fashioned, 80s movie montage. Look: I'm going to work, I'm hanging out, I'm cleaning my house, lovely soundtrack... aaand there we go! Time Has Passed.

*sigh*

been in the market for a while. nobody even sells those things on ebay.

The hour's approaching to give it your best,
and you've got to reach your prime
That's when you need to put yourself to the test,
and show us a passage of time

We're gonna need a montage! MONTAGE!
Ooh, it takes a montage! MONTAGE!

.... great scene!

My roomie would say something about how working through these things at their own pace give our personalities depth, but, gads woman, you're already deep.

I so know what you mean about the me and the "me". I have been trying to get the inner me to sync up with the outer one for a while now. Finally asked someone to help me, who could look from the other side of my eyes.

I wish you luck and want you to know I appreciate the way you think this stuff through, I AM going to borrow that mental pic I now have of the garbage bags o'general misery.

::hugs:: (from someone you don't even know :)

Oy, I wish I had your health. But I believe you're right, you're completely right.

I can relate. When your relationship stuff went down, I read about it with my partner, both of us thinking 'woah, never saw that coming' and a month later people were saying the same thing to me (I having fled interstate away from said boyfriend after my own relationship-ending stuff went down).

So very many flavours of me out there - I want the eternal optimist me to come back. She's getting there in bits and pieces, she's more here than she has been in a long time and I'm liking that. But I'd love for another year to have passed just like that.
I'd probably have to roll a d20 or d100 for that though, and I always manage to botch them. I'm not sure what a botch roll would lead to, roll a one and suddenly I'm destined for the next year to pass agonizingly slowly? Or maybe I'd end up with a strange little mind loop where I constantly think I was with the guy and then wasn't or wonder what's going to happen to me - but that just sounds like most of the relationship. Hmm.

A botched roll means your next adventure happens *during* the breakup, or if it's somehow physically impossible, so soon after it that it might as well be, and you're miserable the whole time, except for brief flashes.

I was in a relationship for five years that very suddenly and abruptly imploaded.

It's been two years and I've only just very recently really gotten over it.

Calculate your grief time accordingly, and plan for a very long vacation at the end of the theoretical span.

*hugs* for your beautiful strength. You'll be better soon.

*hugs* for the awesome shadowrun references :) I'm getting involved in a game myself and have been nose deep in the book the last few days :)

I apologize for the preposition abuse

See, it's been my experience that it's the crazy crap done in the intervening period to make the time *pass already* to look back on fondly, and laugh at. Some of my most fond memories are of those healing times with friends.

Shadowrun makes everything better. Especially when converted to a sky-pirates or cowboy-bebop setting. Also, when asked what kind of animal a melanistic jaguar was at a zoo today, a young child answered, "a chicken!"

Thought you might appreciate that. And good luck with everything :)

roll a save vs angst +3 for mad coping skills.

snookies.

I'd burn through a metric buttload of XP to gain the skill "fast forward through rough personal growth phase."

Not only a buttload, a METRIC buttload.

my dear Grandmother, she taught me so much about ignoring the sadness, anxiety and anger that overtakes us all at different times in our lives. When I was young I would watch her run around cleaning the house cheerily while my Mother and Father fought at the table, my drunken uncle would down another bottle in front of the tv. She would say to me "Lori, one of these days, we are all gonna love one another...and then we are gonna win the lotto!"

I thought she was batshit nutty, I thought "how can she really believe that?" It took me years to realize that believing was her only option, she was not the breakdown type. God love her, she still tells me the same thing 20 years later.....and she still loves for the family to get together, they all fight, tell each other how bad they each suck, and she sits smiling, because her family is all together and its a blessing.

it's more like I'm in here, surrounded by enormous black plastic garbage bags of generalized misery, and if I move the wrong way, I kick one and it starts to stink up the joint

I remember that well. It was months before I could walk across the apartment without tripping over some memory that left me a sobbing wreck. But just like real garbage, you take it out to the dumpster, a bag or two at a time, until the air is clear.

It's been a year now, and I'm in a wonderful new relationship. Hang in there, it does happen.