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God help me, I've figured it out.

Yes, I'm talking about fan fiction again.

(No, I haven't figured out the appeal of some of those fetishes. I hope to go my entire life without doing so. If I die still thinking that m-preg is a dreadfully alien concept, I will not feel that my time on this earth has been wasted.)

I've been having a sudden mad urge to write fan fic, despite having absolutely no time whatsoever to do so, and I've realized why.

I think I get these urges when I have been writing for a long stretch--or worse yet, editing!--and it has stopped being fun. I get the urge to drag my own characters out behind the barn and go Old Yeller on their asses. Then I get some down time, and I no longer want to flee screaming from the notion of a story of any sort, but at the same time, I am still fairly well burned out, and I want to do something that is purely, fluffily, entirely fun.

Case in point, I am on the very last round of Nurk edits. I am proud of the book. I feel that it is a good book. I am honored to have it published, and delighted to have worked with the editor I got.

I am also very...very...VERY...sick of it by now.

Enter fan fic. You get to just write the good parts.

It's a kind of hysterical catharsis. I don't even feel guilty about doing it any more, because I've gotten to the point where I can say, "Yeah, I write," without cringing in automatic fear of the literary gods striking me from on high--I may not be a REAL writer (does anyone ever think they're a real writer?) but between Digger, Black Dogs, Nurk and my agent, I can fake it pretty well.

Mind you, I'm still not telling you what fandom or what pen-name it is...nobody's ever connected me to my last efforts, and god willing, they never will.

Awww, but we want to know what your lovely twisted world-view makes of whatever fandom it is! That, and I'm in desperate need of more good fics to keep me from having to finish ironing.

Yeah, she's depriving us of decent writing we could get without having to slog through miles of shit!

I know what you did last story.

(Oh come on, someone had to say it.)

As far as I can tell, no one ever thinks they are a real writer.

Or if they do, it is because their ego has jumped the shark, and then there's a whole other set of problems.

I think it's more that most writers know that they aren't *solely* writers.

I mean, they can love to write, they can know that they want to write all their life, but they know if they want to eat and pay the bills they're going to have to teach or get some other career.

But yeah. I like to hear authors who have been published five or ten times over admit, "I have no idea what I'm doing here. Everytime I sit down to start a new piece I panic and wonder how I'm going to be able to keep faking it."

Come on, the curiosity's gonna make us explode! Pop, pop, pop across the globe. It'll be tragic. Have mercy!

Hey, you think you're gonna work anymore on that fanfiction-bent inspired story you were working on? With the crazy lady and the other lady stuck in her head? Er. However it went. My memory of the details is now fuzzy, but I was really enthralled with that story!

Yeah, some day. I really like how it started, I just need to figure out where it GOES.

Enter fan fic. You get to just write the good parts.

And that's a big reason why I love them.

Wish you'd be willing to tell which fandom, but I hope you're enjoying the writing part anyway!

That's similar to how I started. I spent several years of my life working on a project that I've finally accepted needs to be consigned to the salvage heap (and I do mean "salvage"; I suspect I'll be pulling concepts and scenes out of this thing and grafting them into other projects for the rest of my life), and I turned to fanfic as part of the grieving process because I needed to do something that I could tell myself "didn't matter." It worked. I'm still actively pursuing fanfic, but the new original fic ideas are starting to grow in my head and on the paper again.


I doubt we'd be that horrified at your work, considering how good you are, silly. =P

Unless you wrote something really... uck. Like the Rampage/Depth Charge monstrosity that contained far too much information about the reproductive systems of manta rays and crabs. I'll NEVER get those images out of my head... And since it was Transformers, it even included mechanical terminology.

(Let it be said that I will read anything on a bet. Mostly because it gets me mildly curious, no matter how horrid it may be... gah, my poor brain, the things I do to you...)

Oh god, or the Sabretooth/Wolverine rape fix someone tossed at me.

*goes to curl up in a corner and whimper*

I started reading a Voldemort/Dobby fic once, out of morbid curiosity. But halfway through it burned my brain so much that I knew I didn't want the rest of the mental images. So I stopped. Thank goodness.

I always kind of thought that Elf/Orc was just the good parts...

I suppose that's because you don't need to know what the overall plot is when you're busy inspecting for ceiling fires.

That's fun because instead of getting out of plot ruts with "Send someone in with a gun!" or the even more general "KILL SOMEONE" I can see the advice being, "Plot stuck? Troll with a cold. Griffin, breech birth, twins, and they come out biting. Plague of frogs, literally. Smalrus in the teapot."

Welcome to the darkside!
Let the FANFIC envelope your soul!

You know what you have done....

You have piqued our curiosity. Now hundreds, if not dozens of us are going to be scouring through the various fan fictions that we never gave much thought too before, looking for your deathless (or is that deathly?) prose. A few of us will be mentally maimed by this experience, spending the rest of our benighted lives gibbering in a closet, mumbling about Kirk/Teletubby porn and other such horrors. Of course, some of us are going to say; that's neat. What happens next?

The waste of it all.

Re: You know what you have done....

If somebody ever manages to locate me, I will personally send them a print as hush money.

Word. I don't let myself write romance into my own stories too often, because I know I don't have the willpower to not be gushy. Fanfic=catharisis. No gush in my "real" work. Hooray!

Won't you share some with us? Pleeeease? Or at least a bit more of Elf vs. Orc. It's been ages (admittedly, for incredibly good reason).

Having no clue what it was, I actually Googled "m-preg."

I can't stop laughing. Oh god, some people's minds...

Whole new world 'o crazy, huh?

For me, roleplaying serves a similar purpose, if I can find good writers to roleplay with. With no set plot, only one character under my control, and several other people waiting impatiently for my next paragraph, I have no time - or reason - to worry about how good it is. I just write whatever comes into my head.

Funnily enough, I have just spent the last 3 hours reading various fanfics of various fandoms for no other reason than being bored.
(I suspect people read fanfics for much the same reason they write - at least for me it's a way of reading simple and fun stuff, that doesn't necessarily have to be "meaningful" and "deep" and all that shizzle. (and of course, the added "oh god need more stuff from this universe"-factor.) )
Anyway. I'd easily pay money (were I not a poor student, that is) for good fanfics - there are some truly horrible things out there! So anytime you feel the need to, y'know, just point the way to whatever you're writing....;)

Also, I have to agree with one of the above comments: I'd love to see more of the Myra/Rail/Threnodox-thing whenever you decide to take that up again. It was amazingly good, and more addictive than...err..something really addictive. Yeah. ^___^