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breeden
ursulav

(no subject)

I went to the drug store today, wearing one of my favorite shirts, which is black and says in gothic lettering across the chest "Differently Charming." (From the great crew at Likely Stories, as a matter of fact.)

The elderly clerk eyed this and said "Differently Charming? Is that politically correct for "weird"?"

"Sure!" I said cheerfully.

"Huh." He eyed me expectantly, apparently waiting for me to do something appropriately strange.

Unfortunately, I have never learned to juggle, I am unable to snap flies out of the air with my tongue froggy-style, and I wasn't even buying anything interesting. A set-up like that would have been perfect if I had felt the need to purchase, oh, a carton of eggs, a case of studded condoms, a bottle of antifreeze, rock salt and a dozen spatulas, but alas.

My single Dove deodorant stick felt sadly ordinary. I slunk out, feeling tragically mundane. I had failed to live up to my shirt. Obviously I need to learn to juggle, or since that's unlikely--my hand-eye coordination is tragic--go for some kind of elective tongue surgery instead.


You should've thrown your hands in the air, waved them about and gone "Boogity boogity booooooooooooooooo"

A set-up like that would have been perfect if I had felt the need to purchase, oh, a carton of eggs, a case of studded condoms, a bottle of antifreeze, rock salt and a dozen spatulas, but alas.

Buying a single egg accomplishes pretty much the same purposes, in terms of bafflement. Possibly even a bit more.

That's brilliant. I'm going to try that sometime.

Heheh, it kind of reminds me of when I did have to pop into the drugstore and only bought one of those "econo-packs" of condoms and those calcium chocolates. The clerk asked if I needed anything else, what else would one need? ;)

Elective tongue surgery ?

Like what ?

Tongue splitting ?

Any idea what that would do to your reputation for veracity ?

Though I guess you could go for the Guiness World Record for most deeply split tongue.

But

Would you have to learn to talk all over again ?

I think she means to do that whole froggy-fly-grabbing thing. ^_~

"Tragically Mundane"
I think I need to put that on a t-shirt, because I feel that way about once a week now. The 17-year-old idealist weirdo in me just weeps at my lifestyle, (and of course writes poetry about it later).

Pierced ears I can understand. I'll even go so far as to say that pierced all up along the side of the ear with glittery gemstones is even an improvement over the unadorned version.

Pierced nipples? I don't see the point (no pun intended) or appeal, but -heh- whatever.

Pierced tongue on the other hand... My most rational response is "WTF?!"
I fail utterly to see why anyone could possibly imagine this to be a cool thing to do.


Now getting a forked tongue, a la The Road to Corlay - that's another ballpark.

I can tell you from personal experience that pierced nipples are fun. Feels nice, looks good (in my opinion) and gives you the perfect excuse to grin like an idiot when you're in mundane clothes at your pedestrian job where all of your co-workers think you're a "girl next door" type.

I'm sorry you feel all ordinary.
But you know, most ordinary people don't appreciate just how darn cute a baby wombat is, so maybe you're not very normal.

If that exact situation happens again, eat the deodorant. I think that would do it.

Actually, don't. Deodorant tastes NASTY.

(Deleted comment)
Personal lubricant's a great mold releaser and crucial for making latex masks based on some one's face without needing to remove layers of skin in the removal process.

Snarf - thank you. 8)

I have a shirt that says "I dress this way to bother you." It used to be one of my favorite shirts until a friend pointed out that it didn't make any sense. Whenever I was wearing it, my attire was likely quite pedestrian: jeans and a tee shirt. I mean, sure, there is plenty in my wardrobe that is likely to bother people. But I'm not wearing it along with a tee-shirt.

I sadly retired the shirt to my hair-dying and house-cleaning section of my wardrobe, where the only one likely to be bothered is me.

So what you're saying is... your friend was bothered by how you were dressed?

Mission accomplished, I say. :)

An artist without hand eye coordination stretches one's belief. That is like an athlete without hand eye coordination. Now me, I have absolutely NO hand eye coordination, which is Ok since I am not an artist, but a birder.

*packages up a copy of "Juggling for the Complete Klutz" and sends forthwith*

That's how I learned to juggle! In the early 80s! or was it 70s?

It's a good book for it!


(no subject) (Anonymous) Expand
"Huh." He eyed me expectantly, apparently waiting for me to do something appropriately strange.

"Well, I would do something appropriately strange, but the most likely result would be my arrest as a public nuisance. So, in lieu of making an absolute public spectacle of myself and possibly landing your fine establishment on the evening news with the Wrong Sort of publicity, I have elected to wear this shirt instead."

And if that isn't a weird enough answer, that poor clerk's life is dull indeed.


I have the opposite problem. It's not being weird I can't seem to manage.