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breeden
ursulav

Hello, Rock Bottom.

The nice thing about hitting rock bottom, I gotta say, is that you genuinely learn who your friends are. Who's gonna save you, and who isn't. I have an astonishing number of friends. You hear yourself whining, and you can't stop, and you despise yourself for it, and they just keep listening. I first realized this during my divorce, of course, but I wasn't as far down, so it wasn't quite such an astonishing display of caring. They keep calling me and IMing me, and you guys have, of course, been very kind, despite the fact that I stopped being funny a couple of days ago and am now a sniveling wreck.  I feel loved.

The not-so-nice thing about hitting rock bottom is that glum realization that you have never been that good a friend to anyone, you never called anybody three times a day to see if they were okay, you didn't exactly shirk from uncontrollable weeping, but you sure didn't court it, and in short, that if you were your friends, you'd be totally boned.

Fortunately in life, as Granny Weatherwax would say, sometimes we get things we don't deserve.

I promise now, O blog of my confessions, that when this is over, when I finally crawl out of this dark hole...I'll be a better friend when my own friends sink into despair, and I will offer them couches and chocolate and take them out to coffee and IM them constantly. 

I promise.


So many *hugs*. I hope you get out of the pit soon, and I'd offer you an elbow if I could.

Sometimes, there's the good friends who call you three times a day, and sometimes there's the good friends who just make you laugh...there's all sorts of levels and all sorts of help. Sometimes, we deserve more than we think.

Hope things get better...

I'm no good at words or being comforting, but I've been following your entries for a while and think you're an amazing person. I hope you start feeling better soon.

I don't really hug (it's a bloke thing) but do take care. And eat chocolate.

And none of us have had rabies shots recently, I'm sure.

::HUGS and bunny slippers::

Not everyone wants the same things, silly dear.

When I hit rock bottom a couple of years ago, some of the consolation I sought out most was some of my friends having normal lives of their own. Not a shoulder to cry on (though I looked for that a lot), not someone to confess to, not someone to check up on me repeatedly (which, quite frankly, I needed).

The catch is, in order for me to get consolation from my friends' normal lives, they had to live normal lives that didn't have me as the center. Or even necessarily as an important part.

Don't blame yourself for something without finding out whether it's wrong.

Now is time for you to take care of yourelf. Remember to be kind to yourself too. *e-hugs*

And yes, sometimes we get things we don't deserve... but much more often, we simply don't understand, or can't see, that we do perfectly deserve what we get. Or at least, that's what my friends and family tell me when they're being amazingly, wonderfully supportive of me while I have a depressive meltdown.

»skritchiehugs«

hope you feel better soon!

I can't offer much but moral support from the other side of the country. But I'm sure that you will make it through this. And in a few months or so, there will be, no doubt, some weird and wonderful artwork to commemorate the episode. Here's to you bouncing off the bottom and swimming back up to the surface soon.

your icon cracks. me. up. :D

gosh, so many times I leave a conversation and think - "I should have been a better friend." Thank goodness we don't get what we deserve! I would so be there in my head.

I think that receiving caring attention from others can be just as good for the one who gives the attention as the one who receives it. Perhaps this stems from the idea that it isn't always possible for us to be the kind of caring person that we need for others to be for us (I hope that idea makes sense). It can be hard to ask for help, but we are all dependent on each other and it's a blessing to be able to provide help.

Anyway. Although I don't know you too well, I, too, wish you the best in this struggle and hope you are able to sort things out. Relocating always feels very dislocating to me.

that glum realization ...that you have never been that good a friend to anyone...

Friendship is about many things. You offer what you can to the relationship (which may be different things at different times). Those maybe an ear, a shoulder, a sofa, or simply companionship. Sometimes you need to reach out, other times you just need to be available to someone who is reaching out.

Please don't denigrate yourself for being who you are. You are a wonderful, intelligent, talented person who is currently in crisis. We care about you because you are human and one of us. Hang in there it will get better.

cream, two sugars.

and honest criticism.

snookies. and honey... you are very much loved.

I always think of this quote from Orwell, in reference to Rock Bottom:

"It is a feeling of relief, almost of pleasure, at knowing yourself at last genuinely down and out. You have talked so often of going to the dogs - and well, here are the dogs, and you have reached them, and you can stand it. It takes off a lot of anxiety." (George Orwell, Down and Out in Paris and London)

I'm on YIM a lot, if you ever need my particular odd perspective. :)


Just keep talking, kiddo.

We are what we are, we humans, and folks understand that we vary in our abilities.

Just don't hit so low that you disappear on us. We may be the unwashed masses, this gang that listens, but we want to hear from you, up or down, and we want you to find a path that gives you pleasure, satisfaction, and meaning. Your path. We want the best for you.

Don't knock yourself out too much on the 'not a good' qualification. Every friend requires different things at different times. You give what you can, and your friends will take what applies.

Be easy on yourself, esp now, when your seas are so unpredictable. Let yourself believe that all this has reason and purpose and you are becoming stronger with each day.