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Hello, Rock Bottom.

The nice thing about hitting rock bottom, I gotta say, is that you genuinely learn who your friends are. Who's gonna save you, and who isn't. I have an astonishing number of friends. You hear yourself whining, and you can't stop, and you despise yourself for it, and they just keep listening. I first realized this during my divorce, of course, but I wasn't as far down, so it wasn't quite such an astonishing display of caring. They keep calling me and IMing me, and you guys have, of course, been very kind, despite the fact that I stopped being funny a couple of days ago and am now a sniveling wreck.  I feel loved.

The not-so-nice thing about hitting rock bottom is that glum realization that you have never been that good a friend to anyone, you never called anybody three times a day to see if they were okay, you didn't exactly shirk from uncontrollable weeping, but you sure didn't court it, and in short, that if you were your friends, you'd be totally boned.

Fortunately in life, as Granny Weatherwax would say, sometimes we get things we don't deserve.

I promise now, O blog of my confessions, that when this is over, when I finally crawl out of this dark hole...I'll be a better friend when my own friends sink into despair, and I will offer them couches and chocolate and take them out to coffee and IM them constantly. 

I promise.

If life was always sunshine, we'd never see a rainbow. Hitting rock bottom will make later good things seem ectastically elated by comparison.

There is a purpose for, well ... maybe not everything, but most things. I never did figure out why we have mosquitos, unless it's to feed fish their larvae. At least houseflies have a purpose that I can understand, even if it grosses me out.

But yeah it's true. One can't expect friends to be inhumanly humorous and entertaining all of the time. You have friends who cherish you. Deservedly, if you ask them, I'll bet. I'm sure of it.

Friends are sort of like chosen family. It's even nicer, in some ways. Or at least easier on Mom.

And then, you have us. Loyal fandom!

I am glad you are getting some of what you need, anyway.
Are you having the opportunity to do anything fun and touristy??

(Deleted comment)
*grin* Well, send me an e-mail, I'll send you my IM...

I just have to back up the sentiment shared by others...I dont kknow how many days I have had completely turned around from a total funk to unbridled mirth by one of your stories, drawings or descriptions.

We all have our own way of helping others heal, some call, some make tea and hug, and some very special ones teach us to laugh at ourselves and our trials, which helps us to move on from our misery, this is the best way overall.

We love you.

What you'd said reminds me of the learning that i did at rock bottom, a long time ago, namely that it's really important to be your own friend, before you can be a *really* good friend for others. Coming out of that, one of my goals/criteria for a Good Day is that i want to have made at least one person either laugh or think. If i've done both at the same time, then it's been a Really Good Day. By that score, i'd say that you're doing damned well, overall.

I baked cookies last night. I'd come give you one if i were nearer.

Unless you're, you know. Really, really in the middle of a painting. Muses are like that sometimes.

Good luck figuring out which way to turn next.

Cheer up Ursula, you know what they say...

Re: Cheer up Ursula, you know what they say...

"No one expects the Spanish Inquisition!"

Be a better friend?!?

Ursula, from your writing, your art, your humor, your ebullience--in essence, YOU have given me and countless others joy and light and inspiration (and we have never even met!) You give so much to people just by being you and putting yourself out into the world. So even to people who can't count you as a bosom buddy you are definitely a valued friend. Know that as such you are dearly appreciated.
A smart lady passed on her grandma’s wisdom, saying, “This too shall pass." And she was right.
-Barbara S.


Your friends do this for you because they love you. You have earned that love, presumably by being a good friend and good company and a good person. Don't feel guilty.

I like you, o internet stranger, because your art makes me smile and your blog makes me think I would like you in person. I imagine most of your other readers feel the same.

I am sad you're leaving San Jose because I would have liked the chance to meet you (my bestest friend lives there, so I try to go at least once a year), but I wish you the best in Raleigh or Phoenix or wherever you go after here.

Your art and your stories have so often helped me get through crappy times in my life. This past year has been super sucky. But you can always make me smile.
I am just a random anonymous fan, but I care about you.

Your friends who know you care 1000 times more.
You do deserve such caring friends.

You make a difference in the world with your art. It is a happier better place because you are in it.
And your fans and friends like you whether you are funny or not...because you are you.
I hope you feel better soon.

Frankly, hitting that kind of rock bottom teaches you to be a better friend, and that's OK. Don't feel bad about not knowing how much it can matter before now. You'll be awesome next time, and maybe the person you're awesome to will learn from your example. :-)

Don't should on yourself.

I've been going through -- not nearly the same, but I've also been given kindnesses by people -- some of whom I didn't really know.

And from a couple of people because of things I did for someone which I didn't think too much about at the time.

Oh my. I read your journal frequently. I love your art and your descriptions and just generally have found you a very interesting person.

Yes, even at rock bottom.

I have been away from my journal recently for a variety of reasons. Therefore, I knew you were moving to CA, but I didn't know where, and I certainly didn't know you were moving local to me.

I live in San Jose. Right downtown. At the moment, I'm sitting on the floor of the Marriott Marquis in Atlanta for Dragon Con, but when I get back to San Jose, I would love to pull out of my introverted little shell enough to meet you. Drop me a line and I'll get you my contact info.

I have not said it, and certainly not said it enough, but you are a kickass person, you have been an actively good friend to me, and you are a good person.

I know you're at rock bottom. I also know that you'll get out of it.

Things pass. The world turns. We endure. And you will too.

In the meantime, if you need anything... well, any of the dozens who've stepped to the plate will happily provide it. But please count me among their numbers. In any way.

I think maybe you're a better friend than you believe yourself to be. Sometimes, it's just being you that makes you a good friend