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breeden
ursulav

Because one can of worms is never enough!

Okay, gang, I'm off to spend an evening canoodling with my significant other, and will not be on the internet.

Please be civilized to each other in the prior post, I beg of you, while I'm not here to bounce. This is one topic where emotions run really high, and I don't want to have to close threads because I think it's an important topic to discuss, and we're all basically on the same side. If the conversation DOES get ugly, it's okay to say "I don't see anything productive coming out of this," and step away.

It's okay to be pissed. Just be polite.

However, before I go, for the purposes of discussion, one thing I've run across in this discussion (and other posts related) that I hardly ever run across is fear vocalized on the part of men that they'll be accused of rape or sexual harassment when they're just tryin' to get lucky as best they can.

Now, my kneejerk reaction is to scoff a bit, I confess--that's a kneejerk, and I make no bones about it--because, well, being female, my fear is that some dude is gonna rape me, then carve me up like a christmas ham in the basement and wear my skin around like a little hat. This is the sort of thing I worry about. My kneejerk, therefore, is something like "Pfff! You think YOU have problems?"

And that may well be unfair. Hell, granted that fear is not a zero-sum game, it's definitely unfair. Everybody has a right to be scared of ill treatment.

But--thing is--every single woman I know, with no exception I can think of, knows somebody who has been sexually assaulted or abused. In fact, with VERY few exceptions, that person is either somebody close to her, or her own self. These aren't stories, this is...y'know...something that we basically just live with. Life sucks, lots of people get hurt, we brazen on through because the only alternative is to curl into fetal position and weep for humanity.

However. It occurs to me that I may be doing men a disservice in general by dismissing this fear just because it seems like women get so much more of the short end of the stick. Suffering, too, is not a zero-sum game. So. I'll ask two questions then:

A) If male, are you afraid of being falsely accused of rape? Is this a Major Fear--i.e. something you worry about every time you're trying to get to know a woman? (Hell, is this something you worry about if you're, say, alone in a parking garage with a female in the next aisle getting into her car?)

B) If either gender, do you personally know anybody who has been falsely accused of rape? (Not friend-of-a-friend stories, but you, yourself, are at least the level of on-line acquaintanceship with them.)

(Okay, two and a half.)

Somebody'll probably suspect that this is a snarky passive-aggressive way to get men to admit that this is a load. It's not. Honestly. I'm genuinely curious. For all I know, a staggering percentage of men really do go into a relationship in mortal terror that they're going to end up with their testicles in a vise. I KNOW what it's like to be female, but I've never yet been male (at least not in this life!) and I honestly don't know what my own response to the discovery that this might genuinely be a widespread problem would be. 


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Hope your canoing didn't get rained out!

Man, there are a lot of comments... All I know is that I will be severely pissed if some guy at some con asks me if he can touch my boobs. That's when Matt's kung-fu training would come in handy, I imagine. You are welcome to borrow him sometime.

This conversation kind of reminds me of the father of an acquaintance of mine. He was a bit of a homophobe and my acquaintance tried to explain that it was because when his father was younger he was in a situation where he somehow felt "pressured" by some interested homosexuals. Nothing happened, consensual or otherwise, he just felt "pressured". Which made me even madder because basically this guy had a lifetime hang-up against gay men because for a couple of minutes years ago he had to feel like women feel EVERY SINGLE DAY of their lives. Such a very, very small percentage of males get this.

- Cassie

had to feel like women feel EVERY SINGLE DAY of their lives.

I would not be one of those women.

Do you want a cookie or something?

No. I do get very tired of being told what I need to be afraid of, though. Or that I should be afraid of men. Or being treated like I'm acting like a special snowflake because I am not afraid. Or that because I happen to have a pair of tits, all men will always see me as a potential victim and that trusting any man is a bad idea.

And I felt that it was worth pointing out that there is at least one woman who does not feel like that every day of her life, or even much at all, really. And I'm pretty sure I'm not the only one. And that abuse is abuse is abuse, and I'm pretty damn sure that a lot more guys get abused than people think, and that it's the feeling of 'now you know what it feels like' that means not a lot of them talk about it. And that's not right.

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