Say you're a pirate. You're tired of the eyepatch. You want something charming. Something fuzzy. You want love.
You need...SOCKET PETS!
Dwarf hamsters, gerbils, very small sugar gliders...I'm telling you, if I had any idea where the patent office was--and if Kevin would let me leave the house when I'm gibbering about stuffing rodents in people's eyesockets--I would scurry, not run, to said office.
They call me Gerbil-Eye, terror of the high seas...