I got a very nice note from a library asking if I would be interested in coming to Minnesota to do a program for teens, since I was the illustrator on the summer reading program posters.
"What kind of programs can you do, and what are your fees?"
Cue the bit where Ursula stares at the computer with her mouth open, then stares briefly out the window, then wonders if her mother knows, since Mom was a teacher for awhile and has been an artist for a long time and, y'know, does stuff you could call a program with a straight face.
I have no idea what kind of programs I can do. I have no idea what a program IS. I could...um...talk a little bit. About illustration, maybe. If pressed, I could make handouts. The handouts would start out with bullet points, and then I would get distracted and begin bullet pointing everything, including random words like "sasquatch," solely because I am rather fond of the word "sasquatch."
Don't even ask me about fees. I've gotten a hundred bucks to be on a panel before, and that was awesome, and apparently something that other people knew happened. I did not. One of these days, I will actually figure out my fee structure, beyond "Well, buy me a plane ticket..." but at the moment, I am still quite baffled by the fact that people think me showing up and blathering is worth money. I have spoken to far too many mostly-empty rooms to be convinced of this fact.